Just Check My Pinterest Board If You Have Any Questions In Regards To How Well Read I Am


Have you seen my extensive library yet? Sure, it’s not a “library” in a traditional sense. It’s so much more remarkable than that. It’s the library I have on Pinterest! More accessible to the general public, in a way that proclaims: I read the best of the best! Don’t believe me? Just look! My comprehensive catalog has everything from the classics, to modern, to poetry, to do-it-yourself “books”. It is quite the sight to behold, I assure you. Do you question my compendium of  all things culture, books, being a foodie, and having exquisite style? Please, allow me to show you my entire discriminating Pinterest Account, to clear up any ambiguity you might have about me thus far. I know my status updates on Facebook seem a bit “juvenile” and “thoughtless,” but that’s just a mere children’s playground compared to the rolodex of pictures that define the very essence of my being. Please, please… as you can see by my aptly titled “Words” Board, I am well-versed in T.S. Eliot, Emerson, Whitman and even Rumi. Impressive, I know.

Why, just the other day, I was referencing Hemingway to Brian. (You can often find me referencing Hemingway… he’s one of my favorite authors to pin.) Anyways, I was telling him casually how Hemingway said we should say things honestly. In fact I quoted him so brilliantly… (you know that timely instance in conversation when you can throw in a Hemingway quote that informs the other person that you are smart, and well-educated and able to appreciate life described as an experience rather than as filtered through literary allusions??  It happens rarely, so when it does, you need to take advantage) and thanks to my sometimes sleepless nights pinning to my Pinterest Board, I was prepared for this moment.

I believe the exact quote was, “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”  I know no truer words than these: My Pinterest Boards are amazing.

Even as I said the name “Hemingway” I could sense Brian was becoming deeply enchanted with me, because of my intimate knowledge of one of our best modern writers. I was basically saying, without saying, that I was a literary genius. I mean, I haven’t read everything Ernest Hemingway has written… but I just spent the past 40 minutes reading all of his quotes, so in essence, I’ve  practically read The Sun Also Rises. I’ve pretty much absorbed his entire literary catalog! He was the master of forcing the reader to read between the lines. I think you understand what I’m alluding to. If you don’t, then you aren’t looking deeply enough into my pins. Like Hemingway, it’s the art that hides art. It’s very difficult it is to create the illusion of simplicity. But through pinning, I think I’ve achieved it.

Then! (If you can even believe his callousness) the air deflated from my fluffy pink cloud (as Fitzgerald would say) because he asked me, “what book?” What book???!!! What book Brian?!! Why would you even ask me that inane question?! How dare you petition my sources! If I say Hemingway, then I obviously have intimate knowledge of all his work! Why are you looking at me as if I had exhaled some type of sordid lie? How dare you question my integrity!

But then, I thought better of it. You see, it was then that I realized that I need to share all my wealth of famous author quotes with Brian, “Oh, I read it in an article.” Then, to be even more clear, I rescinded my statement, “Oh actually, I saw it on Pinterest. Yes. It was a quote someone pinned. If you question my love for modern writers, just check the board. It speaks for itself.”

As you have already concluded, I read a lot. And by that, I mean I read a lot of quotes on Pinterest. Can’t you see? Pinterest is not the black abyss of memes of Ryan Gosling, or photos of houses we’ll never even come close to owning. Pinterest is NOT the chasm of crafting how-tos, or party ideas. No, no… Pinterest is so much more. Pinterest is the new reading. And reading is the new black.

For instance, I pinned something from Tolstoy the other day: “What a strange illusion to suppose beauty is goodness.”  AND THEN, in a random conversation with Glen, I quoted that exact quote, and the proceeded to tell him, “yes Glen, you may not have recognized it, but that’s Tolstoy, Glen.” Implying that, not only do I read Leo Tolstoy, but that I also absorb  his work enough to quote it in my everyday life. Isn’t that evident Glen? It goes without asking him, that he was very impressed.

Have I read Tolstoy? No. But is that really the point? I have pinned and re-pinned him enough to know everything I need and could know. Yes, yes, I’ve heard that Anna Karenina is the pinnacle of realist fiction, but with the movie already out this year, and the quotes I have pinned, I have opted not to read it, ‘twould be so redundant, don’t you agree?

According to my boards on Pinterest, I’m reading a lot of: Fitzgerald, Whitman, Thoreau, Kerouac, Plath, Burroughs, Robbins, Vonnegut, Blake, Kafka, Cummings, Glass, Austen and Ghandi and many, many, so many others.

Why, I even have a pin titled “1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die.” If that isn’t enough for you to believe that I’ve acquired a bit of wisdom in literature, then sir, I don’t know what will.

Now excuse me as I pardon myself, because in the words of Kerouac, I have some pinning to do.

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