Just So You Know, Wanting A Relationship Doesn’t Make You Needy

I get it. It’s been a while since you’ve been in a relationship. Hell, it’s been awhile since you’ve let someone even get a bit close to you. And it’s lonely.

This doesn’t mean you’re not independent. I get those lectures all the time from people just trying to make me feel better about my single status if I accidentally admit that maybe sometimes it’d be nice to slip my hand into someone I know is just mine. ‘You don’t need a partner, you’ve got so much going on’ or ‘I wish I wasn’t accountable to someone like you are.’  Those sentences make me feel like there’s something wrong with me for wanting another human being to be mine. Nothing about those are comforting even though it’s done from a loving place.

I’m getting sick of other people telling someone that it’s needy to want to be in a relationship. It’s not. It’s needy to want to be in just any relationship without really caring about another person. It’s needy to think that your only source of happiness is from a relationship. It’s needy to feel incomplete without another person. But it’s not needy to want a relationship that adds to your life.

It’s not needy to want to fall in love with someone. Most of us on this Earth want to be in a relationship because companionship is one of the most necessary things for people to survive. Granted some people find fulfilling companionship through friendships, owning pets and other ways, there are still a fair number of people who find it in romantic relationships. Maybe it’s because with monogamous relationships, you know you have someone to rely on no matter what.

Love is one of the most incredibly frustrating, irritating and difficult to find things in the world. So, when you find it, it’s pretty obvious to me why you fight to keep it. And when you’re not in a relationship, I don’t frown on people who are looking for it because when it comes right down to it, aren’t we all looking for lasting love in our own ways? It might not be the conscious decision we’re making in our mind but often times there’s the ‘oh that’d be nice if I met someone’ thought floating around.

But that doesn’t make someone needy. It doesn’t make someone a jealous asshole because they see their friends in relationships and think that they want to find that too. It doesn’t make someone any less of a person if they admit that they go on tons of dates in the hopes that one day they find the one. No. Not at all. What it makes them is completely and utterly human.

Maybe you disagree with this. Maybe you think that relationships aren’t important and don’t need anyone in your life because you’re good where you’re at. That’s totally fine as well. But you can’t look down on someone else for wanting to find the love their life. Just like you want people to respect your decisions, other people want the same thing from you.

So, no it’s not needy to want to find a relationship. It’s completely the opposite really. I just hope you find whatever makes you happy and soon.