Liveblogging Listening To Childish Gambino

By Thoughtis

I keep encountering nice, charming people who think Childish Gambino, AKA Donald Glover from ‘Community,’ is good at rapping. I feel like if it were possible for a rapper to be objectively wack, Childish Gambino would be that rapper. To investigate whether or not I’m going crazy or a lot of people have terrible taste in rap/everything, I forced myself to listen to entire Childish Gambino tracks back to back while recording my thoughts.

Camp [Explicit]

“Freaks and Geeks”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otPxoVQiIGo&w=584&h=390]

This beat is terrible. This beat is so bad J. Cole wouldn’t rap on this beat. I can’t decide if it’s more unbearable listening to Donald Glover rap or hearing this corny beat on a loop. One of the things “Gambino” raps on this track is “I’m running this bitch, you’re just a dog-walker.” He also compares his dick to a carrot? As if that weren’t bad enough, he named this travesty after my favorite TV show.

“Heartbeat”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFVxGRekRSg&w=584&h=390]

This is like really bad wannabe Drake, basically? The drums on this are boring and repetitive. This song is like 3-4 horrible songs combined into one.

“Bonfire”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL1B_r9nC9k&w=584&h=390]

So this beat is like moronic guitar strums over “choirs of haunted voices” and some swap-meet “A Milli” drums. I feel like if Childish Gambino didn’t reference his dick as often and as awkwardly as he does I might hate his music slightly less.

“Fire Fly”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHHWPTs1zxg&w=584&h=390]

This is like Gambino’s “laidback, breezy track with dumb pop chorus.” It’s bad.

“Backpackers”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7plhrsQSEE&w=584&h=390]

I give Gambino points for self-awareness on this track. He explains on this track how he’s perceived as a corny poseur who sucks. Then Gambino threatens to do sexual intercourse with the hater/listener’s mouth if he/she doesn’t shut it. Is that right. No amount of “angry” distortion effects on your vocals is going to make you stop sounding soft as Charmin Ultra bruh bruh.

“Bitch, Look At Me Now”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmTRPQlzLT4&w=584&h=390]

No thanks, bitch. I feel like all Childish Gambino fans should be forbidden to procreate.

“Shoulda Known”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXnFQAOhzmM&w=584&h=390]

Turns out there is something worst than Gambino’s rapping — it’s his singing.

“All of the Lights (Childish Gambino Remix)”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAOz75KKxbY&w=584&h=390]

What the hell is this. Is this the Jack Johnson remix? Gambino is like the Puddle of Mudd to Kanye’s Nirvana.

“R.I.P.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRsbsXjgIHQ&w=584&h=390]

Bun B rapping over that song from Drive is a pretty good idea. This is also the least wack I’ve heard Gambino rap, which isn’t saying much. I’ll give this song a pass, I guess.

“You See Me”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0d_cZChLBzk&w=584&h=390]

You’re not tough, Gambino. You’re not “real.” The production on your songs is consistently awful. It’s over. You can’t rap. Just stop.

Childish Gambino Freestyle on “Sway In The Morning”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw2kaBQMoco&w=584&h=390]

I’m embarrassed for you, bro. I feel bad for Sway trying to act like he’s into what you’re doing. I’m done.