The 7 Stages Of Dating, As Explained By The Career Arc Of Enrique Iglesias


Latin sensation Enrique Iglesias has been melting our hearts for over a decade. Nearly all of the crooner’s hit songs have centered around love and relationships–and if you look closely, you’ll notice an intriguing pattern. Enrique’s discography reflects a familiar narrative, one that reads like the relationship cycle that many of us have endured:

1. The Blind Innocence Phase: Bailamos (1999), Be With You (2000)


Enrique has discovered what it feels like to fall in love–and my is it magical!

It appears that Enrique hasn’t yet approached his love. with lyrics like tonight we dance, I leave my live in your hands, and I’m losing my mind, baby just give me a sign, Enrique seems to be existing in the Helga Pataki gum-wad statue phase of love…complete and utter worship, and building up unrealistic expectations.

2. That High School Love: Hero (2001)


Like any pair of high school lovers, Enrique assumes there is no greater purpose in life than being with his girl, whom by this point he’s clearly taken on a date to Applebees. He’s been replaying the night in his head for weeks, and it never gets old. Particularly the nine minute makeout session in the car. Pure heaven.

3. Downhill Denial: Escape, Don’t Turn Off The Lights (2002)


Looks like prom didn’t go so well for Enrique–she didn’t want to “go all the way,” and she’s been a little bit flaky on the texting front. No matter, though. Even though Enrique’s going to State and she’s going to Tech, it’s only a two hour drive. Enrique is confident that his undying love will shine through and keep this going. Or will it?

4. Rock Bottom: Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song) (2007)


After receiving a devastating Facebook message, Enrique has gone on quite the downward spiral. Breaking up is one thing, but…with a Facebook message?!

Enrique’s life considerably changed since first bursting on the scene with Balimos–he’s at his dream school/has become a household name, but Enrique would trade it all if things could’ve just turned out differently.

He finally knows what it feels like to love someone who’s in a rush to throw him away, and it’s completely ruined him. He hasn’t smiled in months.

5. Single And Ready To Mingle: I Like It, Tonight I’m Fucking You (2010)


Sloppy dance floor makeouts, here he comes! 

After a particularly unpleasant Facebook photo album experience (seeing his former boo with another man, in a picture captioned AutumnAntics2010), a furious Enrique finally woke the fuck up. He’s out for vengeance, he’s out to settle the score. He wants in on anything and everything that moves.

It’s a dark phase, but perhaps a necessary one.

6. Is She The One?: Finally Found You (2012)


Whew! With all the drunken flings out of his system, Enrique has matured enough to want something substantial. And this time, it feels different. It feels right. And his good friend Sammy Adams couldn’t be happier.

7. We All Have Baggage: Heart Attack (2013)


Something somewhat heartbreaking happened, something that Enrique would’ve treated a lot differently at an earlier stage of his career. But this time around, Enrique has realized that the longer one lives, the more they’ll inevitably fuck up. He’s learned that it’s not so much about being perfect as it is accepting the flaws of others, and realizing when to forgive and when to forget. We don’t know how this’ll end, but Enrique seems to be in a good place.

Whatever the future holds, In Enrique We Trust.