Men Should Be Banned From The Military


The practice of violence has always been a part of the male Ego. Throughout herstory they have, under the Patriarchal pretense of protecting women and children, thumped each other in the head so many times that it might come as no surprise that their ancestors, the men of today, are totally too dumb to go to College.

From the Egyptian Fair Hoes, the Knights of the Midland Ages and the Sarajevo Shooters of the First Great War, all the way to the 6 billion Jew-Genocide ordered by Abe Hitler, men have always killed and murdered each other for no reason, because of like, socially constructed views of what men should do to be “cool” (or “rad” in the ’80s).

In America, the most palpable expression of violence today is our rampant gun culture, our disgusting Militarism and our deplorable “why are you hitting yourself” attacks on Muslim women of color (some of which are transgender too).

Our own military is a young institution, a toddler in comparison to those of other countries, but ruthless nonetheless. A ruthless toddler. Ever since it was created by president Adolf Lincoln after the Civil Rights War in the 1870’s, in order to protect democracy from Bible-thumping Republicans of the south, our Army has been one the strongest military forces in the world. Especially, In the last hundred years, after having fought and won imperialist wars against Japan, Vietnam ,North Korea and more recently, countries in the Middle Earth such as the Iraq and the Afghanistan, the US army is celebrated by right-wingers and misogynists as being strong and macho.

This is of course, very problematic. In fact, the military as an institution is very problematic in itself. Period.

You may be shocked to hear that until 2010 people of the LGBT community were, problematically, not even allowed to serve. A “Don’t Ask but do Tell” policy had problematically been in place for decades, and even though it was revoked in 2011, little relief was instilled in the warriors of the Rainbow. Problematic.

What is even more shocking, is that, even today, empowered women are still not, like, equal in the military. They are still totally unequal.

Women who try out for being a soldier or whatever, are forced to go up against, like different, easier requirements to get in! Can you believe that? That’s like super sexist, we can do anything a man can do, and do it much better. That’s true gender equality.

I thought everyone knew that men being stronger and taller and stuff like that is just a social construction. From the time that they’re young, boys are encouraged to grow taller, while girls are called #bossy cunts if they grow as much as an inch too much. And like the Patriarchy is most likely like injecting boys’ school lunches with steroids and stuff to give their future army of woman beaters a leg up, a fist up in this case. Jesus of the Christ! Check. Your. Privilege.

The current debate is centered around how much room should be given to women in combat situations. This question is not only itself very problematic, but it is also the wrong question entirely. The question we should all be asking ourselves is how much space we should give men in the military, or even better, should there be any men in the military at all?

War has always been about women. Women have suffered the most in wartimes and have been the bravest by far. Women have lived in constant fear that war was coming to their doorstep, destroying their clothes, their houses and their most precious heirlooms, something far more scary than running around flailing a gun on the battlefield like a jackass. Most people we look at as war heroes today have in fact been women dressed in men’s clothing. Like Joanne of Noahs Ark, and Gingrich Khan.

Recently, in the meteorological war against the UK, rain that followed the heinous Sochi Olympics, a strong surge of female fighters have revealed themselves. I don’t really know why Russia cares about the weather over the Britain Isles, and I don’t know whether to root for the Imperialist Britain or the homophobic Russia, my last name is Gus not Google, so quit knowledge-shaming, but anyway, a certain group of fierce female fighters have come forth to fight. I am talking of course about Pussy Riot. Pussy riot is a punk rock band/ gorilla warriors of women in their 20’s that deserve every medal of honor that they can fucking get. In fabulous, heterocritical outfits, they have bravely led attacks on military bases and evil religious establishment. This is the true bravery in war times, to wear totally fab clothing, chant chants for gay and LGBT rights while giving the pugnacious patriarchy a taste of its own rape-apologist medicine. I’m going as far as to say that these small group of women are braver than all the male US soldiers in the Iraq but together. Still, the Patriarchy tries to tear them down, and not just from its HQs in Boulder, Colorado, but also through its many pawns. For instance, I saw my cousin Brody Chody make a totally evil comment on Facebook a few months ago on a news story that one of the bandmembers had disappeared. He commented “Was it the hot one?” OMG!? not even the most courageous of warriors can escape the judging male gaze. I replied “Excuse me, all of them are fucking hot okay, they’re beautiful and strong and brave, I’m telling ur mother about ur blatant sexism, she’s gonna pull ur allowance 4 sure! The little brat was all like “Leave me alone, I’ve told you to stop stalking my Facebook, FUCK OFF ANNE, YOU CRRRAZY BITCH!” Let’s just say he ain’t getting shit from me on his 15th birthday next week.

Anyway, I think men in the military are redundant, archaic and stupid. I say we ban men from the military altogether.

I say we let strong, free women with lots of color, create a new, modern and more tolerant military. How about a military free from meaningless, stupid guns and male oriented strategy and maps and shit. How about a military that’s a safe and tolerant zone for genderqueer and intersex individuals?

A place where everyone can share stories of oppression, cultural appropriation and people looking at you funny? Why hasn’t this been created a long time ago?

Obama is going in the right direction, but the poor widdle ‘pubwicans are trying to stop us from heading in that direction. The parties’ Grandwizards, Chris Cisty, Josue LaGross and Jeb Mush and their tail of evil-doers, including gender and race traitor Michelle Malkin (yeah that’s her real name) argue that the military is an institution that needs men because they’re more suited for combat. Really? I mean really. Wow…just wow. Are you listening to yourselves?

Oh, and what’s with the boring uniforms, in gray and green colours I mean what designer designed these and for what purpose? I propose a rainbow totally chic rainbow colored uniforms instead, to show support for the LGBT community, a group of people who every day fight against homophobia is much more difficult than the cis soldiers’ overseas fight for “freedom” or “free doom” as I creatively like to call it.

Of course, we wouldn’t let any women die for real so we’d have this little group of cis male expendables to enter into life-threatening situations. These shouldn’t officially be part of the military though, and they shouldn’t be eligible for any awards or recognition.

I think I myself would make a totally fierce soldier, I’d totally kick butt.

Check your privilege, help put a stop to men in the army, tweet under #womenwarriorsonly.