Miss Me With That Bullshit: 10 Things I Can Absolutely Do Without


1. Disneyland: Yeah, I said it! It’s crowded, it’s overpriced, it’s hot, there are children screaming everywhere, and the rides aren’t even that fun! Want to do something more fun than Disneyland? Let’s crash a physics lecture! Next!

2. Bras: Are perky looking boobs really that important to me? No! Boobs are nice looking regardless. They’re expensive and they’re uncomfortable. SWERVE.

3. “Maybe he/she doesn’t have his phone on him?”: You know this isn’t true. Even someone who isn’t attached to his or her phone still uses it daily. Don’t give this person excuses! BYE.

4. Tinder: Listen, Ryan with the Soundcloud page, I am sure you’re a lovely person but I truly don’t know what I am doing on here. I’ll be back when I’m drunk and bored, okay?

5. Texting: Yes, it’s convenient if you want to make plans. Maybe I’m becoming increasingly old fashioned but I just can’t be texting these days. We can have the very same conversation (but better) over the phone or in person. Give me a ring-a-ling!

6. One size fits all: Unless we are talking about accessories, don’t even tell me my ass will fit in that. Looking at you, Brandy Melville.

7. Movie theater prices: Why you gotta be so expensive? I love going to the movies but you know what I can buy for the price of a ticket and snacks? A WHOLE PIZZA WHILE I WATCH THIS MOVIE AT HOME. You’re a real one, Redbox!

8. Gas Prices- Nuh-uh!

9. Trash at the Beach (or anywhere): Hey you assholes that can’t hold on to your garbage for 10 more minutes before finding a trash can! YOU ARE A TRASH CAN.

10. Lip scrubs- I can mix coconut oil and sugar together, too! YOU DON’T HAVE TO SELL IT TO ME FOR $11.99 + tax.