More like Ruth Bader ‘Gin’sburg


Earlier this year, pictures emerged showing Ruth Bader Ginsburg asleep during the State of the Union address and many assumed the ninety seven year old Supreme Court Justice was merely tired from being incredibly old. Well it turns out that wasn’t the case, nor was it some kind of narcoleptic episode. According to the liberal-firebrand Coolidge appointee herself, she had a bit of the drunksies after Justice Kennedy brought a bottle of wine to the pre-SOTU party.

“It was an Opus something or other, very fine California wine, and I vowed this year, just sparkling water, stay away from the wine. But in the end, the dinner was so delicious, it needed wine.”

Well Jeeze Louise! Or should I say Jeeze Ruth. No, that doesn’t really work, does it?

More like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, if you follow me.

You see what I’m saying is, you spell her name the same, but you pronounce the “G” soft. It’s a soft G rather than a hard G, like in the word Gin. Like Ruth Bader Jinsburg, is how you would pronounce it. But you spell it normal. If you catch my drift.

See what I’m getting at here, is that she was drunk, and gin is a type of alcoholic drink. Now of course she wasn’t drinking gin, she was drinking wine, which is more socially acceptable than gin, but Ruth Bader Winesburg doesn’t quite rhyme, and frankly it sounds kind of anti-semitic. This is supposed to be a lighthearted story about a Supreme Court Justice having a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, there’s no reason to walk a tightrope over the gaping jaws of the ADL over a silly headline.

But come on, there’s certainly a better line than “Gin”sburg, isn’t there? She has three names for Christ’s sake. Ruth Bader No. Lush Bader Ginsburg? Lush Porter Ginsburg? Lush Porter Ginsbeer. More like Lush Porter Ginsbeer, ladies and gentleman! Jesus, that’s fucking terrible.

Guess we just have to go with “Gin”sburg folk. That’s the winner. That’s the one going in the headline. Because she had a couple of glasses of wine at the State of the Union address and now we need to have a stupid conversation about it. Ruth Bader “Gin”sburg. There it is, folks.

I can already see you worms in the comments section milling about, getting ready to criticize this pun, but it’s the best one and it fits her name better than anything you could come up with, so if you don’t like it you can literally suck every drop of shit out of my ass. Put your lips on my ass, and give me a tongue enema. I want my colon looking like it was detailed by an old black man with back problems. A guy who always smells like ArmorAll and hasn’t worn anything but bespoke Cintas since the late 70s. A guy that knows the inside of a Lincoln Town Car as well as he knows the human soul, and he can express his knowledge of both in beautiful bilateral metaphors. A guy that still calls everyone Jack. A guy who works harder than he needs to because he knows Millie is looking down and he wants to make her proud, and he knows the harder he works his body, the sooner he can see her again. I want you to suck my asshole clean like he would, for Millie.

Wait a minute.. Vermouth Bader Ginsburg? Fuck!