More OkCupid Messages That Diminish My Faith In Love And Humanity


I glammed up my OkCupid profile with some ambiguous but completely accurate info that is essential to getting to know me romantically and got some even more interesting and wonderful and disturbing messages than the first time I tried it. I almost replied to some of the guys “do you know how to hide a body?” to freak them out but I decided not to just in case one of them reported my profile as maybe being a murderers profile and then they’d find me and it would turn into this whole ‘Law and Order: SVU’ episode where Lindsay Lohan plays me.

hey shorty what you down for?

What’s something you’re doing to make your life the best it can be?

I’m really feeling your swag girl what’s your name

hey, i also use wikipedia! you’re hot

I studied theater in college and worked in theater until super recently. I’d worked with some awesome people and done some really gratifying things, and it was all great, but it just wasn’t what I wanted to do permanently, ha. Now I’m a blogger, which is kind of crazy. I hope you are having a nice week!

You seem weird. I’m into that. Frasier’s kinda weak though

~i read your page and i admire your passions which are intriguing and peak my curiosity. the books you enjoy as well as the movies and shows you watch are very similar to what i obsess with when i have free time~

Let me know if we can talk some time.

I just want to hang out, go to a bar or something and be 420 friendly.

Assuming you’d eat shark bacon (were it readily available), through the medium of a grilled cheese sandwich, despite the fact that cheese and fish is generally faux pas outside of a “Fish-Filet” ; we should grab a beer some time at your leisure.

so what happens to the guys that message you?

You should post more pictures on your profile anyone could look hot from that angle

u look good like you’re real freaky in bed hope you message me back i’d love show you a time…

Heyy, i thought you were so gorgeous, and seemed pretty bad asss, so I had to say hi, im from manhattan, Just got back from Florida. id loove to talk to you, I hope maybe youll hit me up sometime !

i also live in the town that the ice man lived in… creeeeeeepy

I think you’re absolutely stunning, I enjoyed reading and learning about you, I’d love it if I got to know more of you, and maybe teach you more about me.

just ate mcnuggets while reading a dance with dragons.

whatever you seem like a nice honest girl (with funny quirks like me) …I’m just sayin the vibes I was gettin were like “damn she fine she could get it all the time” hahaha but it’s true. I would totally have wild goofy sex with you. just thought I’d be nice and let you knowww :p

*You seem really sweet.* You’ve got this really cute vibe about you. But I don’t know about this whole online dating thing. Maybe this aint even you in those pics and you some lil fat kid like the catfish show ha.. unless you could prove me wrong even tho u cant handle me so wat you gonna do about that!

So are you the person in your picture?

i want too get too *know* your body

who are your fav serial killers?

I can’t think of more than 1 or 2 women that are funny. It’s odd to find a women that writes comedy. I am also a bit sexist and registered sex offender(I have to tell that to everyone). I challenge you to rip me a new one!

hey whats up i think you are perfect would you like to get to know me?

Hey, let’s move to a private island where we’re the only ones there. We’ll build a house and have a beautiful family together.

I was just at Trader Joes and noticed these two girls in the produce section. They were holding up cucumbers and taking pictures of each other. One of the girls sort of resembled you, so that drew me into your profile. You also caught my eye because you look like genuine person. It seems like most girls on this site are trying to be someone they’re not. Everybody sort of seems the same. Do girls pose with phallic-shaped vegetables to impress guys?? If more people acted real and stopped posing with cucumbers I think the world would be a better place

I’m interested if you are.

come to papa!

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