More Rejected First Draft Titles Of Famous Movies
By Tommy Paley
1. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly although, to be honest, we find that ugly is relative and a matter of perspective.
2. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance isn’t a Kid anymore, is still living in his parents’ basement and needs to get a real job or go to college.
3. Dances With and, don’t say we didn’t warn him, gets partially mauled by Wolves
4. The Hunter who has a quite worrisome hurt on for deer — we are all quite concerned not to mention that we totally exceed our live deer budget as well.
5. All Quiet on the Western Front because our glug glug producer forgot to flip the volume switch on because he was flirting with the props girl and was then too cheap to reshoot or dub.
6. Bonnie and Clyde and Sheila and Franklin and Gwendolyn and Maurice and Odelia and Harrison: best friends forever who would never, ever go on a killing spree among other things.
8. It Happened over a series of days and nights and guess what? We filmed it!
9. Early Evening Cowboy because we tried shooting at midnight and it was really hard to see the cows.
10. Mr. Smith, his wife and kids, his physical therapist, his personal chef, his Thai kickboxing partner, his joke writing team and his elderly mother all Go to Washington
11. The Grapes of extreme anger chiefly used here for humorous or rhetorical effect.
12. The Green distance of 5276 Feet — We Measured Exactly!
13. Pulp Fiction, Nonfiction, and the occasional book of erotic poetry.
14. Terms of Endearment laced with sarcasm which, at least in our world, are the only, and best, kind.
15. The African Queen who is actually a group of small children inside a queen’s outfit that we couldn’t reveal what with the overly strict child labour laws these days but hey, at least we didn’t use dwarfs.
16. The long, productive and meaningful debate on the Bounty that, if calmer heads hadn’t prevailed, could have veered close to a rebellion against authority or event a mutiny.
17. The Great Dictator’s Wife, as behind each great dictator is a really, really scary woman
18. Wuthering we should have hired actors who weren’t deathly afraid of heights or at least made the Heights less wuthering
19. Taxi Driving & Mental Health: When enough is enough; how to notice the warning signs that you need some time off and to maybe take a holiday?
20. Rear Solid Brick Wall which would have been a whole lot more interesting if we had just installed a window both to aid the plot and to make the movie more interesting to watch
21. Rebel Without a Cause except for a few local charities that are near and dear to his heart
22. Yankee Doodle Man who is unduly devoted to style, neatness, and fashion in dress and appearance and has a love of Broadway show tunes