My 20 Gay Guy Deal Breakers


1. You can’t count your list of sexual partners on your two hands.

I’m not judging what anyone chooses to do with their body. Countless partners just ultimately indicate that we look at intimacy very differently.

2. You try to fit the homonormative gay ideal.

They are the masculine-acting, gym-obsessed, party boys who are most frequently described by others with the phrase, “You wouldn’t even know they were gay.” As if that’s some beautiful trait in a person that is gay at the end of the day.

3. You go out to parties with the sole purpose of getting drunk.

I just need someone to explain the point to me, please. It doesn’t get rid of any of your problems, and is not necessary for a good time. It can make you sick, and can give you a gross beer belly. There are plenty of better ways to relieve stress and have fun.

4. You’re overly dependent on friends or family.

It’s okay to lean on others every once in a while, but it’s important that you be able to stand on your own two feet. At the end of the day all we really have is ourselves.

5. You don’t see or oppose the issue of race and sex in this country.

Ignorance is not bliss. Our country is full of racism and sexism and anyone who argues against, or chooses to remain ignorant of, the issues facing people of color and women is just too dull and selfish for me. It’s okay not to understand everything, but you need to accept the obvious reality that life for non-white males in this country is rough. This is not a post-racial and post-sexist society we live in.

6. You are ignorant of the trans-community.

I have seen this far too often in the gay male community. Transphobia is simply not acceptable.

7. You are a Republican.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

8. You are a Nihilist.

Color me depressed. I only had a small taste of nihilism in my life through an ex-boyfriend and it is honestly such a dark and hopeless ideology in my opinion. I can see its values and why people turn to it, but I’m too much of a dreamer and a romantic for it to work for me.

9. You hate (or are not receptive to) Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

She’s my hero, so Buffy the Vampire Slayer means the world to me. Sharing Buffy with someone close to me is like sharing part of myself, so anyone that is closed off to Buffy or demonstrates a clear, unflinching hate is essentially rejecting a part of me.

10. You make out with your female friends.

This goes back to the intimacy thing. I view kissing as a romantic activity between two people that care about each other, not as a casual activity. Plus, it seems to be nothing more than a way to get attention.

11. You don’t like animals.

I’ve had many wonderful pets in my life, and can’t imagine my future life without a furry companion in it. You don’t have to love animals. I just need you to not hate them.

12. You don’t play video games.

You’re missing out. There’s nothing quite like the fun of playing a co-op game with someone you really like…and if you don’t play games you’ll never experience that.

13. You legitimately like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and/or Chris Brown.

White male privilege. Ignorance of race. Physical assault and homophobia. Enough said.

14. You have a strange obsession with any one of the many famous YouTube blogger boys, who we all know deep down are mostly famous because they’re attractive.

I dated a guy that was obsessed with YouTube “stars” like Joey Graceffa, Nash Grier, Ricky Dillon, and Kian. I tried to watch and give them a chance, but I quickly realized if they weren’t attractive they wouldn’t be famous, because their videos aren’t funny. Let’s grow up and start liking people with actual talent.

15. You have a family member paying your bills.

The idea of being with someone that depends on mommy or daddy for his financial security is just too much for me. It’s time to get a job and start taking care of yourself, junior.

16. You have no grand aspirations in life.

I want to go places in life. I want someone who pushes me to be the best me I can be, and I want someone I can do the same for. People should do whatever makes them happy, so I won’t shame somebody if they happen to love a low-paying job that isn’t a glitzy position full of star power and popularity. But there’s a passion and heart in someone that has big goals that I find indescribably beautiful.

17. You cheated in the past.

Cheating is perhaps the most ultimate betrayal in this world. It is an unforgivable act to me. I won’t go so far as to say “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” but I do identify with that statement more than the belief that people can change.

18. You are not out of the closet.

Been there, dated that. It was not fun. The reality is that a person in the closet and I are on two totally different wavelengths and the relationship would have to be selfish in at least one way. Either I’d want them to come out, or they’d expect me to stay quiet and keep it a secret.

19. You refuse to be anything but a top in the bedroom.

If you’re good to give it, you better be good to receive it. And the whole macho-top thing is not cute.

20. You are anti-feminist.

Feminism is pretty much one of the biggest components of my life. So no, I won’t be listening to all the reasons why feminism is bad. Take that somewhere else.