My Review Of The ‘Kiwi’ Music Video By Harry Styles


Spoiler alerts: no kiwis were actually used or harmed during the making of this film.

We all have been wanting Kiwi as a single since the literal first day in May when Harry Styles released his album. We got upset when it was announced that the second single was going to be Two Ghost, because we all knew they were just trying to ride the Taylor Swift wave once again by releasing a new song about her once again.

But no, it was not for us. We wanted Kiwi, the “fun random made up song” as Styles previously described it when asked who it was about and from what kind of experience (we didn’t bit that at all but whatever, we fell for the song anyway). There’s just something about it, it makes you want to go for a run, or dance after you just smashed a workout, sing along and yes, maybe actually wanting to have somebody’s baby eventually.

On Wednesday the 8th of November, the actual video of Kiwi was dropped around 1pm UK time. And, you might ask, well, were you ready? Was I ready? Raise your hand if you honestly were. Anyone? Exactly. No one was.

It’s socially known that children, food, especially cakes and cupcakes and sweets, and puppies are the best way to get people to watch videos: any kind of video. So let’s make this clear straight away: Harry Styles is a social media and content strategist (maybe that’s what he learnt after all those months spent with Miss Swift.)

So put all these things combined under one single video, a magnificent song that has actually nothing to do with it all, but seems to be fitting in just perfectly, and here we have it: the Kiwi video. A bit of a remake of Harry’s own first movie debut Dunkirk, in a softer (way softer) version of it all, with the coolest gang of kids all dressed in amazing custom Gucci clothes, cupcakes bombs and soldiers falling down because of a cake overdose.

As if these children are not enough to remind you that you’ll actually never be as cool as they already are in this video, ever, a whole army of adorable puppies will jump at you 2.15 minutes into the film. Followed by a quite charming teacher, we all love to call Harry Styles. In a custom blue Gucci, that his doppelganger kid seem to be wearing the exact same (has anyone actually checked that girl is not Styles’s daughter? The resemble is undeniable, maybe someone did have his baby and not told him the business).

In the end, a very cheeky charming smirk, on Harry’s face will let you know, that sometimes even the adults like to be a part of the riots and break the rules. Why? Oh, because it’s funny.

So well done, Mr Styles, bravo! You’ve done it, again! Breaking our fragile hearts, one piece at the time, with a 3.02 minutes long shot of our favorite things, including yourself. We truly weren’t ready… But one thing, one thing we should have seen that coming: the cakes and pastries. You used to work in a bakery, after all.