Nerds Are The New Jocks


Fellow Nerds! Hear me! We’re getting too much too fast! Our bespectacled faces are about to melt from the sheer joy of the mainstream’s willingness to pay attention to what is important to us. The Avengers marks the culmination of what I fear may be too much success for a group of people that have been historically disenfranchised.

Long have the Nerds sought for the artistry of comic book heroes to be recognized accurately on the big screen. We are entering into an age where The Lord of the Rings, Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight franchise, and Marvel’s new slate of movies are seeing this dream realized. But heed my words of caution!

Part of a Nerd’s charm (not really, we’re quite socially awkward) is their ability to see society from an outsider’s perspective. Not caring for what was deemed socially superior like sports, dances, or not having asthma, a nerd retreated to other like minded people and immersed themselves in comic books and dungeons and dragons, etc. An escape created by those with similar interests and inability to breathe after short workouts.

But beware the tale of Icarus, fellow dweebs! We are headed too close to the sun, the “sun” being “social acceptance.” I fear it won’t be long before the status quo is changed forever and exchanges like this are heard in high schools everywhere:

A boy with a letterman jacket scans the hallway, seeing it’s clear he makes a quick prayer and heads to his football practice. Suddenly a group of Nerds appear out of nowhere.

Nerd 1: Well look what we have here!

Other Nerds chuckle menacingly.

Jock: Uh…Hey, I was just trying to get to practice.

Nerd 2: Football practice I bet!

Other Nerds high-five each other.

Nerd 1: Does your boyfriend know you have football practice?

Jock: Yes, he is also on the team.

(See? Being gay/gay marriage or really, “marriage” is totally cool in the future! See how I cleverly snuck that in there?)

Nerd 1: Oh okay, well I totally support your decision to be who you are but FOOTBALL IS FOR PUSSIES!


The Nerds take turn quoting lines from different superhero movies while giving him a wedgie.

And Scene.

This day is not far off on the pace we’re headed! When the Nerds become drunk with power and we are left with nothing! Nothing but the echoing words from a Nerd who saw it coming from the beginning. Who begged people to support the making of the movie American Pie: New Last Reunion Fun Time, Again! just to cleanse our pallets. Do I have the answer!? No. Honestly I want them to make a billion more Avengers movies.

Yet with my waning wisdom I remind us all, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” Do you know where that’s from? Of course you do, you’re a nerd. It’s from the thing you said right before you stuffed the starting quarterback into a locker.

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