No, There Isn’t Someone For Everyone


I cried after watching Silver Linings Playbook for the first time. Hell, I cried the second time too when I showed it to my mom and sister. I cried because the morale of the story (I think) was that there’s someone for everyone. Even the mentally ill. How touching.

As much as I would love to believe that, my life experience proves that just isn’t true. Exhibit A: Lonely chap in his 50’s who frequents gay clubs hoping some youngin’ will get drunk enough for him to take home. Or for them to take him home. I’m sure he doesn’t mind either way.

It was one of the most pathetic interactions I’d ever seen, like a baby spider monkey being rejected by his mother. And I mean that in an empathetic sense, though he did  actually look like a spider monkey. The drunken old man flopped around stroking every attractive gent that felt too awkward to protest. He was a regular.

As I watched the old man flounder about, a horrible thought occurred to me: what if that’s me in 30 years?!

That’s a very real possibility. Sad, but true.

The very same thought strikes me like Zeus’ lighting bolt every time a gent over 40 would hit me up on an online dating site. We manage to have a nice conversation but we both know it’s going nowhere.

Who goes on okcupid to make friends? I mean, really. People say they are just looking for friends, but that’s just their way of saying they aren’t interested in you.

I’m enjoying my singularity (“being single”) while I’m in my 20’s but eventually I’d like to settle down. Like my 401K and future house, it’s something I think about from time to time. However, unlike those, finding a match isn’t necessary something you work towards.

When you look at the numbers it’s depressing. Male to female ratios are off worldwide. Sexually incompatible gays meet all the time. It’s sheer dumb luck finding a decent match. You either get that, or you settle.

Take two of my artist friends for example. In college, the guy, let’s call him Cole, had a friend who was in film school. He was desperate for one actor so he asked Cole to do it even though it wasn’t really his thing. Cole shrugged and just wanted to help a friend.

Soshana (I’ll use that name because I like HBO’s Girls) was the female lead, and she and Cole had to kiss several times throughout the filming. That was their first time meeting and now they’ve been married for over 10 years. So unfair.

I enjoy hearing true stories like this, but, unfortunately, they don’t happen to everyone. Like getting the golden ticket in Willie Wonka, it’s mere chance. Not every human being will find that one true love. How do we deal with this fact of life?

What’s the solution? Is it to stay at home, watching Netflix while eating microwavable dinners in bed? No, that might actually make things worse because I can’t help but think who I could be enjoying that with.

No, the solution is to find another passion to focus on. It’s difficult in our culture obsessed with relationships and sex. Just take a look at magazine covers. Listen to songs on the radio. That’s all we can seem to think about.

We put romantic relationships on this pedestal like it’s an Olympic gold medal. Actually earning an Olympic gold medal might be a better goal. Or becoming a published author. Or traveling to every continent. There’s so much more to our world that it’s a shame we focus so much on this one thing. It’s like if everyone only wore purple and neglected all the other colors of the rainbow. Actually, I’d be fine with that, but most people wouldn’t.

I wish I could say that at the moment it wouldn’t faze me to know I might end up single at 50. Just typing that idea makes me cringe. However, it’s something I may have to face eventually. I aspire to be happy at that age, whether I have someone by my side or not.

If I do end up 50 and single, you can find me in the club. I’ll be the sober spider monkey who parties harder than all the 20 year olds.

You’ll find me in the corner, dancing on my own.  Just having a good time.