Okay But What If The Problem Is Actually Me?


We all know the classic saying: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Which, when we do say it, we sometimes say it narcissistically, with our minds already firmly made up it was the other person in the wrong.

When you get into a fight, when you break up, or simply are just wondering what is going wrong in any kind of human-to-human relationship, our minds are oftentimes trained to believe that it’s always the other person’s fault. “If only they did this,” we think, or “Why would they do that?” It is usually what the other person has done that was incorrect. Never do we want to believe we are the problem; and maybe “problem” is harsh.

As much as we love to look in the mirror, how often do we actually reflect? 

Maybe it is you. Maybe we’re not the perfect angels we oh-so-deep down wish to be.

While realistically we will come across a never ending helping of crappy people in our lifetimes, that doesn’t mean we are immune to our own faults.

I think we are conditioned to believe that our own blunders must mean we are inferior. It must mean there is something wrong with us. We fear not measuring up to the standards we set for ourselves.

We are smart enough to know we aren’t perfect, but I think sometimes we’re afraid of the why. Because we don’t exactly love to analyze ourselves. We don’t enjoy diving deep into our imperfections with a magnifying glass to understand our flaws. I can think of 100 more fun ways to spend my time.

But we have it all wrong. Don’t be afraid of the things you must improve on; be afraid of never realizing you have room to grow. 

I think it is a much scarier thought to go through life staying the same, being complacent to the middling human you are. I fear being the same. I fear not having the will to better myself. I fear that we all get so inside our own brains that we believe having something to improve on is more fearful than spiders.

Maybe the problem is you, and I hope you recognize that a problem is just an opportunity to grow. A problem is meant to be fixed. We grow, we change, and we fix the minor hiccups if you choose to reflect and work on yourself from the inside, not just the features a mirror can pick up upon.

Maybe you are the problem, and that’s okay. Most people don’t change because they don’t want to, they don’t care enough to, and they often believe it was never them.

Accept that sometimes, you will be the problem, but remember the opportunity to grow is just around the corner.