One Conversation I’d Like To Stop Having


“What so and so did on their social media…”

People are annoying on social media? Shocking! Except it’s not. Guess what? People are annoying in real life. You are annoying to someone too; probably to more people than your ego will ever let you know about. But you have a few options when you find people annoying on social media as you do in real life: Delete them (actively refuse to be around them); hide from News Feed (passively refuse to be around them); or continue complaining about it because you are too passive-aggressive to choose either.

Look, I don’t care how much I like a person in real life, if I find them irritating online, 99% of the time, I’ll just hide them from my news feed or just won’t go to whatever account of theirs I find nauseating. It’s not that hard people, I promise. And the only reason you stick around is to complain about it. And at this point, I don’t know who is worse – people who are legitimately annoying on social media or people who are complaining about all the annoying people on social media.

You know what I did during last year’s election shit-show? I got off Facebook and Twitter altogether. You know why? Because I decided that obviously there is something wrong with me because I didn’t care to put myself through the avalanche of ignorance and hate spewed out by Democrats and Republicans. (Cheers to being an informed, non-partisan apolitical person.) So I got off entirely because I was obviously the weirdo who didn’t think most of the opinions were thoughtful or intelligent or necessary. My Facebook still reads, “Facebook is not the place for Politics.” And if you talk (see: rant) about politics enough, chances are I’ll remove you from my News Feed because I try not to participate in hate-consumption online. Why? Well, I guess I think life is too short.

But these conversations about so and so did this and that on social media are tired. You don’t have to look at it; you don’t even have to be on social media if you don’t like it. It is narcissism, it is pretentious…blah, blah, blah. I’m still going to be on it and keep up with people I like and people who share things I enjoy; people who post things I may disagree with but things I find compelling and challenging – things that broaden my view of the world.

And yes, I will most likely “hide” you should I notice that you post selfies as frequently as college students begin essays with, “Since the beginning of time…” (Side note: People in college, for the sake of your instructor, please stop doing that.)  And yes, I will hide you if I think you are so obviously pimping out yourself or your significant other or your babies for Likes and Retweets and Shares because I find it grotesque. And I don’t give two shits about your weekly Crossfit schedule or your check-in of, “Yay! Bottle service at [insert club or designer store of choice].” I find it ugly and distasteful and I don’t need to see it. And thus, I don’t. I remove you from digital visibility – out of sight, out of mind. And please, feel free to hide or delete me if you don’t like anything I post. It’s a free digital world. Sort of.

It may be your annoyance and my annoyance that so and so did this and that but it’s just that – MINE and YOURS. It is THEIR bloody Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or whatever. And no one is putting a gun to your head and forcing you to look at it. And if they are, obviously you have bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

(And no, no one pissed in my Cheerios this morning.)