Patience Is Poison

One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to put up with your partner.

It’s not being nice.

It’s not fair.

It’s not love.

A relationship thrives on communication. Just because you avoided an argument doesn’t mean you saved the relationship. Some of the most bitter breakups come from those who endured until they couldn’t endure anymore.

If you don’t like something, why not say it? Martyrs should not exist in relationships. By not saying anything, not only are you enabling the bad behaviour (assuming there is), you are also deceiving your partner. You are denying them the chance to fix your relationship.

When you finally decide you can’t take anymore, you give yourself a medal for putting up for as long as you did, while your partner is left alone to make sense of what happened. You move on from your relationship. Knowing the end was coming softens the blow. Imagine what it would feel like for your partner who was completely blindsided.

Don’t lie to your partner. It’s cruel to let them believe everything is ok when it’s not. Are you afraid telling them what you really think will start a fight? That’s selfish. Don’t let your cowardice be an excuse to deceive your partner.

If you don’t want to start a fight then don’t. Talk, don’t argue. Let your partner know that you are having a conversation, not an argument. Say what you want without accusing. Accept explanation. Work out a compromise. If you can’t agree on something, decide if it’s a deal breaker then put your foot down. Don’t accept something when you know you will eventually get sick of it. If you know it’s not a big deal then make the conscious choice to let it go permanently.

Stop making a list of all the things you overlook in your relationship. Overlooking something is a fault, not a virtue. Learn to accept things instead. Accept the things you can’t change without a grudge. Toilet seats left up are annoying, but they won’t kill you. What kills you is the burden you put on yourself each time you silently hold a grudge. Stop killing yourself with patience. Patience is poison.