Picking-Up Random Chicks At Bars Is This Easy


There’s always the same routine to score RCABs (Random Chicks at Bars). Shower, comb hair, put something clean on, spray some fragrance. Someone last weekend even asked me what scent I was wearing. It was gratifying. I love to be noticed.

Once I’m there, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Some nights it’s “bone, bone bone”, other nights it’s “maybe I’ll meet the girl I’m going to marry”. When I inevitably crash and burn, I just call everyone a slut and order a pizza.

Dudes walk into bars and survey the scene like a contemporary conservationist on a DeBeers safari. “If only I could save all of them” we think, while loading our guns. It’s imperative that you’re armed. Anyone who follows The Mystery Method would tell you that.

If you stand around at a bar empty-handed everyone’s going to wonder what kind of disorder you have. “I’m taking it easy” isn’t a good conversation starter. Don’t be a pussy. No one likes that. You’ve got to force your way to the bartender, preferably through a group of potential target babes. Make yourself noticed but only acknowledge them in passing. Order something expensive and leave the tab open. Chicks love dudes with financial wherewithal.

I’ve sometimes employed the passing “inadvertent” ass graze. This works especially well if you’re wearing a recognizable garment. They’ll remember you. Some RCABs might consider this a form of sexual assault. Don’t worry about those prudes. You’re a man. This is your privilege. Eggshells aren’t your concern.

For all the feminist talk about blowing up gender roles, RCABs prefer to stick to tradition. They want the man to be dominant.

Next comes a brief post-up. Think like an NFL offensive coordinator. If the bar has some kind of terrace, go up there and draw some plays. Then, walk down and try and eavesdrop a little bit. RCABs like when dudes relate to them. If you know what they’re talking about, it’s that much easier to feign common ground.

By this time, you’ve probably finished your first drink. Go back to the bartender. Eight times out of ten the RCABs from your first trip will still be there, waiting for someone to notice and talk to them. For all the feminist talk about blowing up gender roles, RCABs prefer to stick to tradition. They want the man to be dominant.

Make some dismissive comment about how they’re still standing around. Don’t be too mean. The hotter of a dude you are, the meaner you can be. RCABs will talk endlessly about looking for nice guys but in this scenario they just want to be taken. This time, pick one RCAB and offer her a drink. If you pulled off the ass graze, single her out. If you have done this right, she will say yes.

Make sure you get her name. Repeat it often. RCABs love to hear their own names. To you, they are neither unique nor interesting but using her name will obfuscate that from the RCAB.

In conversation, make a fair amount of physical contact. No groping, but enough to let her know that she is yours for the evening. This will also signal other RCAB hunters that she is spoken for. What you talk about doesn’t matter. Just make eye contact and repeat her name. Most RCABs will respond strongly to this.

If there’s a place to dance, dance.  PDA is a mark of an inexperienced RCAB hunter, but some might be necessary. Don’t ask for her number. You’ll know when the RCAB is ready to be taken home.  In the endgame, be sure to use protection. You don’t know where the RCAB has been. You don’t know where she’s going. It doesn’t matter. She’s an RCAB.