POLL: Who Would You Rather Bang — Hemingway or Fitzgerald?
F. Scott Fitzgerald
D.O.B: September 24, 1896
Place of birth: St. Paul, Minnesota
Cause of death: Died in 1940, while standing in his mistress’s apartment, in Hollywood, California. He died from a heart attack that was essentially the result of years of alcoholism. The poet Dorothy Parker attended his funeral, and said the following words over his grave: “The poor son of a bitch.” This was a direct quote from Fitzgerald’s greatest novel — The Great Gatsby.
…Did he like to party?: You bet he liked to party!
Favorite drink: Pretty much anything.
Fun facts about F. Scott Fitzgerald: The man could drink. He and his wife Zelda once passed out after a long night of drinking — in the middle of France, in their car. The fun fact being that they passed out in their car on the middle of some railroad tracks. They woke up in the morning before the train came by, and did not die. “Scottie” also insulted Edith Wharton — which is either cool or not cool, depending on how you feel about The Age of Innocence. He threatened to jump out of a window in front of James Joyce, in order to prove his love for Joyce’s novels. James Joyce’s response was this: “That young man is crazy.”
But did he have a small penis?: Maybe. Probably. See above.
Was he an asshole?: No, not at all. He was very nice. See above.
What was his best book?: The Great Gatsby, which you may have heard of, and which was a critical and commercial disaster. It was Fitzgerald’s third novel; his career never really recovered after he wrote it. It is now considered to be the finest American novel ever written (although I could make a good case for Lolita). People wouldn’t start liking it until about five years after Fitzgerald was dead.
What’s a famous quote by Fitzgerald?: “So we beat on, boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past.” …Which pretty much sums Fitzgerald up. If Hemingway wrote about dudes and how awesome they are, then Scottie wrote about chicks, and how men will do crazy things in pursuit of them. Fitzgerald wrote about romance, and how romance feeds off of nostalgia — nostalgia for the past; how your lover’s face looked at that particular moment, in that certain shade of light. Romance is an attempt to chase after the past, and that’s sad, was Fitzgerald’s point.
What kind of lover would he be?: Well, where Hemingway was married six times, Fitz was only married once — and he refused to divorce his wife Zelda, even though she went crazy and had to be consigned to a mental hospital for the rest of her life. So he was a romantic, like I said. A date with him would probably involve going over to his place, and the lights would be dimmed, and a Sade CD would be playing. And he’d have bought some of those tea lights that come in the little metal tins and put them in a path going up to the bedroom, with some sort of cute handwritten note — ‘FOLLOW ME’ or some such. And then you’d go up there, and you and Scottie would talk about books, and then you’d “make love,” not have sex. …Whether you find this more appealing than being fucked by Hemingway in some hotel is entirely a matter of personal choice. …But it probably says something important about your personality, don’t you think?