Read This When You’re Feeling Pessimistic About Love

So your significant other just broke up with you. Your world is upside down. Nothing is what you thought it was. You’re starting to question how you can even go on existing. I’m sure many of us, myself included, have uttered the sentence “I just feel so dumb.” How could you have let this person hurt you as much as they have? You’re probably sitting there blaming yourself, thinking you did something wrong. You overwhelmed them, showed too much emotion too soon.

How could you be so stupid? You were dumb and gave someone your heart and they didn’t even have the decency to stick around. Somewhere between the “Please don’t let me go’s” and the “Fine, I don’t need you anyway’s,” you’ve come to think that you are, in fact, the world’s biggest idiot. Call the Guinness Book of World Records because you’ve got this one in the bag. You wasted all this love and energy on someone who didn’t feel the same way about you. You fell too fast, too soon. You shouldn’t have been this vulnerable.

Not only do you feel you should be pitied by Mr. T right now (Get it? You’re a fool.), but, if you’re anything like me, you’ve now also come to think you’re an idiot for two more reasons:

1. You look dumb for begging not to be left, for trying to salvage what little you have left in this relationship that has been deemed over.

2. You feel dumb for even considering the possibility that there could ever be someone better than your ex and you will end up dying alone and leaving behind 78 cats to whoever that unlucky person is in your will all because you didn’t put up a strong enough fight to keep them around (but let’s not forget that this is the person who clearly doesn’t realize what a catch you are).

However despite your amounts of self-pity, I’ve got some news for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong about loving someone. Love is special kind of phenomenon. It exists for us to experience it, to feel it, to live it. When these feelings aren’t reciprocated, it will most likely seem like your world is crashing down. I’d bet good money, no, I would bet all of the money, (if I had it) that almost no one enjoys being rejected.

It sucks. I’d argue that there’s almost nothing worse, especially when it comes to romantic rejection. You’ve expended so much time and energy on this single person, shared your love and let them in and suddenly all that disappears. It’s rendered useless; there’s nothing left but pain.

The next time you find yourself feeling like you wasted love on a person, try to find the light in all this darkness. I’m sure we’ve all heard it: “don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” (Please someone else admit to being sick of hearing this phrase. It’s almost as bad as the classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’)

As much as I hate to admit the truth in this cliché, it’s there. It exists and I can’t ignore it and neither should you. Understandably, this will be difficult. It’s definitely easier said than done. Breakups suck, as they should. I mean just look at the word itself: ‘break’ up. Broken things are painful – just take broken bones, for example.

But here’s the thing: your heart is a muscle; it will grow stronger with every break. I fact checked with some of my friends (trust them, they used to be pre-med), and it’s true: muscles actually need tear before growing larger. It may ache and you may feel like you’re living in the depths of Hell but here’s something I can promise you: it will heal.

So I challenge you to actively exercise love. Put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Don’t waste time thinking about the potential outcomes. Yes, of course there is the possibility of your heart getting broken, but remember that it will grow stronger with every tear. Love whoever you want with reckless abandon because when that kind of love is reciprocated, it’ll be worth all the heartaches that lead you there.