Revealed: What Your Hook Up’s Fridge Says About Their Potential
Fridge #12
Stonehill,
Okay, I hooked up with this guy I met last night, and woke up before he did. (I know, I’m a slut, but the girl’s got needs)
He’s going through a divorce, that’s all I know. We didn’t talk much 😉
Dying to know what you get from his fridge. You work weekends??? Get back to me ASAP!
-Jess
Stonehill Analysis
Jess, you ignorant slut! (Not really, just a fave SNL quote of mine)
It’s like you’re asking for the score when you already won the game ☺
If I may consider you one of my female buddies, I’m very proud of you. You needed a 3,000 mile tune-up and got serviced. That’s awesome. Life is short, and as long as you were safe and the mechanic disease free, it’s a win-win.
Looking at his fridge, it’s a good thing you cashed in your chips when you did. This guy is newly single, and he might be your Boy Toy, but not your Bo.
Here’s what I know…
He’s a DILF: Yep, rhymes with MILF, same concept.
This DILF is clearly going through a transition. And we all go through them. Some are easy (switching from cable to DirecTV). Others suck (college to real world).
This dude’s transition is into the role of a single dad. And a rich one.
Why rich? His Sub Zero costs more than 10 shares of Apple. And seeing all the natural light reflecting off the metal tells me his phat fridge is living in a sweet house or high-end condo with floor to ceiling windows.
Why single dad? It’s the mother lode of Grade A kid food: chicken nuggets, potato wedges, Eggo Waffles (which are awesome, for the record), fish sticks, marshmallows which are too big for hot chocolate so I’m guessing Smores, 2 kinds of milk (skim most likely for him, whole milk for Jr.), Simply Apple, a vat of Maple Syrup.
DILF needs to compete with mom, so when his kids stay with him, he has everything his kids will love. He’s like like Neverland Ranch. Without the rides and peepholes.
He knows his kids are hearing what a prick their dad is when they’re back at mom’s place. DILF has to represent. And it’s a strong bet that he also has a trampoline, Jacuzzi or pool table to do so.
His fridge also shows that his transition is recent. This fridge is a freakin’ mess. He hasn’t found a maid for his bachelor pad yet, and he could clearly afford one. Unless he got his maid from 1-800-This-Bitch-Is-Useless, but I see him choosing wiser.
Now, he’s just starting to starting to entertain the ladies, and well, with the sliced fresh berries, gourmet salami and buffalo mozzarella.
Lastly, I’d assume this guy’s in California as Pacifico is a popular beer there and a brand I never heard of til I moved to LA.
Jess, your path is clear. We’re here to find the one, so continue looking. And to keep your engine running smoothly, continue to get serviced every 3000 miles.
Fridge Dating Scorecard
Bang on first date: 8.5
The guy’s got game. A sweet pad in LA is a better aphrodisiac than Spanish Fly. Plus, with the cute pix of his kids on his iPhone, we’re talking express lane to Saucy Town. With his recent separation though, the guy is looking for just fun, and with him, so should you.
Marry: 2
He’s clearly transitioning out of his last serious relationship, and not in a place to dive back in. (Nor should he be)
Sleeping with the Enemy: 1
He’s got kids, legal bills and a busy career to take care of. If he’s organized enough to hire a stalker, he’d have hired a maid first.
Fridge #13
Stonehill,
This is my friend Ben. Like me, he’s gay and single. Looking at his fridge, I told him he needs serious help.
Back me up, Stonehill.
-Trent
Stonehill Analysis
It might not be fair, but at times we’re held up to higher standards than others. We’ve all been there at some point. And when it comes to fridges, I’m starting here. Cause looking at CTF’s first gay fridge, I’m seriously disappointed.
I expect more. I’m sorry, I do. And I mean that as a complement to my gay brothers. Gay men are today’s pioneers. The Pilgrims, the Israelis, Utah, they can’t hold a candle to you. You’re fighting for equality. You’re shaping policy. You’re transforming neighborhoods.
Gay men are the dung beetles of real estate. If you want to make money, I’ve always said buy where your gay friends are moving. Economic fact. Within a decade, your value will triple. If you think I’m wrong, try South Beach, West Village, Chelsea, Castro, Uptown and West Hollywood on for size.
So yes, there’s a lot of pressure here, and I had high expectations for Ben’s fridge. And you bring me this???
I can’t give you much as it has less on its shelves than Ralph’s during the LA riots. Here are a few guesses:
- Ben just got back from a long trip and needs to restock. (Though I doubt it, as there’d still be more evidence that civilization existed here before he left)
- He might be ‘single’, but he’s spending most of his time at a lover’s or with family going through a crisis.
- He’s in between jobs. He’s clearly done well with work as he bought one fancy fridge, but he’s not stocking it with the love this fridge deserves.
- He’s a coffee drinker, and brews it at home.
- He likes beer. (He’s got more than one brand and he sure as hell ain’t entertaining)
- He’s lactose tolerant.
- He likes dessert or getting high from Nitrous Oxide.
That’s about it.
Now, when it comes to dating, Ben doesn’t seem to be in a great place. If I were to set him up, I’d warn his date that it’s a Bang and Bolt scenario at best.
I’m usually jealous of my gay friends. They’re in better shape. They’re more stylish. And they don’t have to live with women.
But when it comes Ben, my jealousy gives way to sympathy. Happy Town just might be a mirage for him right now. So, hang in there, Ben. And take solace that you have friends like Trent looking out for you.
Fridge Dating Scorecard
Bang on first date: 4
With the possible struggles going on in his life, he can use some TLC. I’m just afraid what those struggles are. It’s hard to bang someone that you simultaneously feel sorry for.
Marry: In a blue state 2. In a red state, NA.
They say these are the most stressful experiences in one’s life:
- Changing Jobs
- Moving
- Giving birth
- Death
This guy might have 3 of 4 covered. Not the place to be pledging one’s life to another.
Sleeping with the Enemy: 7
I don’t have much to work on, but this guy is obviously out of the house most of the time. Whether it’s for stalking, I don’t know, but it does raise a red flag.
Fridge #17
Mr. John Stonehill; RDE,
She’s in the shower, so I’m taking the shot!
Young, bombshell, tall, and always smiling. But I think there might be a bit of crazy behind those eyes — which as you know, is often times exactly what the RDE ordered (or at least encourages us Rhub’s to order).
What does her fridge say?
Thanks!
-Mark
Stonehill Analysis
Hey Mark,
Here’s the good news…we’re all a little crazy. You get to add tall, bombshell and always smiling into the mix, you’re doing quite well for yourself.
Now, for your sake, I hope you placed that cat in front of her fridge for a portrait. If not, there’s an awkward attachment going on there.
A cat usually bumps a chick up to Yellow Alert right off the bat. Are there exceptions to the rule? Of course. But dating is about playing the law of averages, not trying to win the lottery. And though I’ve said wackypack women can be (extremely) fun to bang, finding the one is the true mission here.
As she’s a four-tool player, lets dive in and scout this prospect…
Her fridge backs up that she’s one tall drink of water. I’m not saying it was conscious, but a chick has to be above average to reach the back of that top shelf. I’ve known some spinners who’d need tippy toes just to touch the Gatorade.
Her fridge also backs up that she’s a bangable bombshell. The light mayo, grapes and lack of fattening foods, show that she’s eating well. The supplements, protein shakes and Gatorade show that she’s fueling her workouts. And if our gym teachers taught us one thing, it’s this: healthy diet + exercise = one saucy set.
On the smiling front, she does look like mucho fun. The Patron and vodka in the freezer, backed up by the bottle of vino in the fridge, says a night home with her is just as appetizing as going out. I’d like to see some better snack backup than that abandoned half-sandwich on the 2nd shelf, but with that much liquor, sorbet can cut it for a night.
When it comes to crazy eyes, there are a couple of red flags here…
Her fridge is co-owned by a cat.
Her fridge is a bit chaotic. Random shit is thrown everywhere rather than having some semblance of order: this probably translates to her life. And if you can’t finish your damn fountain drink, like Maverick with Goose, you gotta let it go.
As she’s young, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt that she simply has some growing up to do. I get the feeling she’s a DLG: Daddy’s Little Girl. Her high-end fridge and hardwood floors tell me homeowner. Her generic brands, including the mustard and salad dressing, tell me stingy homeowner. Conclusion? Daddy bought her the apartment, but she has to shell out for her day-to-day.
It’s not everyday you scout a 4-Tool Player. And one who seems to be making a place for you in her life, which is sweet. (I have to assume the OJ is for you) I would like to see her show a bit more respect for money. You got a luxe fridge, treat it like one. You spend 20 bucks on a Brita Water filter, fill the damn pitcher so it doesn’t dry out.
That all said, this is truly what dating is all about. Seeing enough potential in someone to explore building a life together. Godspeed my man on your journey.
Fridge Dating Scorecard
Bang on first date: 7
A young tall smiling bombshell with enough booze for an all-night heart-to-heart? Express train to Saucy Town. As a potential DLG though, that paternal influence might have her holding out til date 2 or 3.
Marry: 5.75
There’s a bit of chaos in this girl’s life, I just don’t know the extent. Is she worth the high draft pick? Definitely. If the cat sleeps in bed with her though, I don’t see her making the show.
Boil your Bunny: 4
Animal owners are usually low on the bunny-boiling totem pole. That said, we all know who loves black felines…witches. And witches boil all kinds of crazy shit.
Fridge #18
Stonehill sat down with Gay List Daily (gaylistdaily.com) Editor Steven Lindsey.
The mission? Breakdown Steven’s fridge, and explore the clues into Steven’s dating life.
Stonehill Analysis
Steven, if this is the Jerry McGuire of fridges, you had me at beer.
I said in Post #13 that I had higher expectations for a gay fridge. And your fridge is a rock star. (Sans the drugs) It truly is what we aspire to be. The only thing missing? The soundtrack.
Here’s why I envy the dude who dates you…
You’re a born host.
We all strive for certain qualities in life. Being a Gatsby-esque party host is one of them. This fridge clearly revolves around entertaining and enjoying the good life.
If you had 1 bottle of champers chilled and on standby, that’s a home run. 3 bottles reminds me of Reggie Jackson. Your 5 additional bottles of wine and sangria spell one seriously sexy box of metal.
The only thing more prepared than a man with multiple beer brands, hard cider and Mercy (for hangovers) is an Eagle Scout.
Now with a fridge that’s almost all about alcoholic beverages, one can think you’re just that: an alcoholic. Not the case. An addict would just focus on his one brand. As there are several brands at work here, this fridge’s job is to host, not hammer.
You’re a tastemaker.
You’ve got products that most of us haven’t tried (or even heard of) yet. The cans of the Kahlua are probably from a schwag bag. The Mercy, Seagram’s bottles, Steaz, and Ginger beer (which is making a comeback) also fall into early adopter family.
If restaurants gave out frequent flier miles, you’d be Platinum. Even if you had a boatload of condiments on the door, your meals clearly are prepared elsewhere. And speaking of Platinum, I get the sense you travel a lot: there’s not one thing I see in this fridge that’s perishable.
You’re a guys’ guy.
I can see you wear multiple hats. Though the trendsetter, you still have the staple brands like Coors Light and Tecate that guys love to kick back and watch ball with. It’s not all about trendy, high-end or gourmet.
You’re established in your career.
This is the fridge of a homeowner. I never saw one in a rental that lets you select the exact temperature electronically. The 40-degree temp is clearly backed up by the mountains turning blue on your Coors Light cans.
Overall Steven, you’re one freakin’ catch. Just make sure you’re not too focused on your hosting duties, as your boyfriend might feel that he’s not a priority in your life. Tastemakers can also be obsessed with finding the BBD (the Bigger and Better Deal), don’t let that bleed into your dating mentality.
If you can avoid those types of pitfalls, we have a serious keeper here.
Fridge Dating Scorecard
Bang on first date: 4
As you’re the ultimate party host, endless opportunities will surely present themselves. Though with those countless guests at your house, you’ll often have that party straggler who won’t leave.
Marry: 9
A host, a tastemaker, a guy’s guy and a career?? I wish I was gay, I’d marry you myself.
Sleeping with the Enemy: 1
You have way too much going on in your life to be the obsessive type. If all your shelves were just one product, then we’d have a problem.
Fridge #21
Stonehill,
I’m back in the online dating game. I’ve just been too busy with work and haven’t met anyone lately.
Here’s the fridge of Katie. We just spoke on the phone, had a good convo and I asked her to send me a pic of her fridge. She laughed her ass off when I told her about your blog and sent me the attached.
What do you think? Should I take her out???
-Ed
Stonehill Analysis
Ed,
Unless this girl has frozen heads in her freezer, you’re in a place right now where you should go out with her, along with everyone you can. I say this because dating is like a muscle and you have to exercise it.
If you don’t, then you’ll treat every date that comes along as a bigger deal than you should, and your dates will smell that, not a good smell.
That said, the more you know about her, the better. Diving into her fridge, ‘sex’ comes to mind. It’s Latin for 6, and she’s got 6 qualities I dig right off the bat…
She’s Environmentally conscious
Her source of water is the Brita Dispenser. It’s a solid brand and cuts down on plastic. As her fridge is an upscale model, this decision is not all about economics.
She’s Healthy
The baby carrots, Romaine (which is easy to cut up into a salad), cherry tomatoes, almonds and Greek yogurt all spell nutritious. That, combined with her lack of junk food, tell me her online picture is accurate.
The last thing you want is your online date looking like they just chomped on Violet’s gum in Willy Wonka.
She’s Social
You buy a whole watermelon to entertain or take it to a friend’s BBQ. (And there’s no Tupperware to store fresh cut fruit) This is a good thing. You want a partner with an active social life. The best relationships are the ones in which a boyfriend or girlfriend adds to someone’s social circle, instead of replacing it.
She’s Fun
Who doesn’t love a girl who’s ready to open a bottle of wine cause it’s 5 o’clock somewhere? As each bottle is different, it spells social, not serio.
She’s Adventurous
The chick’s got a collection of pumpkin juices. I mean, who has that? She’s definitely into trying what’s outside the norm. (I smell threesome 😉
She’s saucy
Sam the Butcher has less frozen meat. Nothing’s universal, but I do find that women who love their meat, love their men.
Bottom line, it’s time to get back in the game. You need some AB’s, and fortunately for you, Katie looks like great batting practice. From what her fridge tells us, she can be a serious keeper. (Tell her I said so, and thanks for being a sport ☺)
Fridge Dating Scorecard
Bang on first date: 8
With that much wine and meat, the only thing that can make this chick more sexual is a glass vibrating egg.
Marry: 6
This girl’s got potential: she seems well-rounded, with a lot going on in her life. Her fridge does look a bit chaotic, so she probably has a bit of chaos in her life as well.
Boil your Bunny: 5
With 5 bottles of wine (and a meal locker) on standby, anything’s possible, but I wouldn’t sound the alarm here. The freezer messiness bumps her up another point though.
And for more fridge submissions and to hear about my fridge epiphany, check out checktheirfridge.com