Several Haikus About Cheap Beer
By Dylan Joffe
Rolling Rock
I.
Rolling Rock — you minx
Stop being so refreshing
I’ve had six of you
II.
Green man of my life
Oh my! So good going down
Mom will not like you
III.
Like water and beer
Had a beautiful baby
Now I have to pee
IV.
Latrobe Brewing Co.
You are from Pennsylvania
Like Andy Warhol
V.
I’m already drunk
You want to buy me something?
A Rolling Rock, please.
Pabst Blue Ribbon
I.
The Red, White and Blue
It’s the American way
All hipsters unite
II.
I love indie rock
The Power Born Rebellion
Known as, PBR
III.
1893
America finds its best
With a blue ribbon
IV.
It’s on the label
All “nature’s choicest products”
(That includes water)
V.
Every man I date
Flannel, beard and PBR
Guess I have a type
Miller High Life
I.
Start with man-mosas
Champagne of beers and orange
Got any takers?
II.
That Miller High Life
As much bubbles as the French
Less ABV, though
III.
Big class but no cash?
Don’t worry about it, friend
Take back the high life
IV.
Three bucks a bottle
I’ve never paid more for it
Never will, either
V.
Waiter is staring
Oh, I don’t know what I want
“Your cheapest brew, sir”