She Is Your Home, I Was Just Your Vacation


I know you are in love with her now.

I see pictures of you and her all over your social media. Despite how it could be the thousandth time I see you and her together, my heart never fails to clench painfully as through my lungs were crushed by stone. I draw in shaky breath and my vision becomes blurred.

I don’t think I can get used to seeing you with someone else.

The way you love her is different.

I was your present moment, your impulsive decision, and your getaway vacation. She is your future, your steely commitment, and your home.

I am like the firework, vivid and explosive yet fleeing in your life. She is the sun; her shine is everlasting in your life.

I was your infatuation, your crush, and a love affair with an expiration date. She is your best friend, your companion, and your happy ending.

Being with me felt like a rollercoaster ride. You craved for excitement and novelty to make you feel alive. You were drawn to the extreme high and low. I had to constantly strive to keep up with you and try my hardest to keep the smile on your face. With her, you enjoy the mundane activities and you can’t help but smile when you are with her.

I was your lesson, your dream, and your fantasy. You thought I was everything you wanted until the alarm rang and you woke up. Suddenly, you saw me in a different light. My flaws that you once swore were uniquely me became something you couldn’t accept. The love you thought you had for me had run dry and nothing, not even my overflowing enthusiasm and affection, could move your heart.

It is different with her.

She is your concrete reality, your daily life, and your sturdy support. With her, you took your time to know her and to build a strong foundation of friendship. You see her for who she is and you love and accept every inch of her imperfection.

I know you are in love with her now. You have made your choice and choose to broadcast your happiness with her. To proudly stand on a rooftop and shout out your feelings for her. To make her part of your world. To stay with her till the end of time.

Although I have no right to miss you, although it is not a competition, although I feel nothing seeing you with her except a sudden rush of uneasiness, although you are a good man and you deserve happiness, although our love was as dead as the finality of death, although I should wish you all the best, all I want to say is, I miss you.

I know love is never fair and I cannot blame you for loving me less or not at all. I know in love, there is no right or wrong. I know by choosing her, it doesn’t mean I am any lesser as an individual.

I know. So I shall keep all the words I wanted to say to you to myself. I will wish you happiness from afar. And I believe one day, I will truly mean it.