Sometimes, You Are The Heartbreaker

When someone breaks your heart, you think the worst of them. You assume they intentionally brought you pain. You assume they meant to hurt you. You hate them for making you think a relationship was in your future. You wonder how they could do something so cruel.

But sometimes, you turn into the kind of person you hate. You lead someone on even though you have no intention of dating them. You make them believe they have a chance with you because you like having someone to talk to when you are bored and lonely. You like the compliments they give. You like seeing notifications on your screen every night instead of feeling like you are all alone in the universe.

Sometimes, you hurt others unintentionally. You read their texts but avoid answering because you don’t have the time or you don’t have anything interested to say back. You skip their stories and scroll past their selfies even though you know they are going to check for your name on the list of views. You send them a cute picture on snapchat that might seem flirtatious but was supposed to be harmless.

Sometimes, you are hypocritical with your heart. You hate when the person you want plays games with you, but you do the same thing, even if you don’t realize it. Sometimes, you wait until you’re drunk to text someone. Sometimes, you post pictures with other people that spark jealousy. Sometimes, you cancel plans at the last second because you weren’t in the mood to hang out anyway.

Sometimes, you give people the wrong idea. You like every single one of their selfies. You compliment them on how good they look. You play with their hair. You make them feel admired. You think your actions are harmless, you think you are only teasing, but you are secretly breaking hearts.

Sometimes, you are going to be the bad guy in someone’s story. It is unavoidable. Sometimes, you are the one who will cause them to cry and question their worth and drink until they cannot see straight. You are the one who will make them feel insecure and unloved. You are the one who will drive them crazy with the what ifs.

Sometimes, you are on the other side of heartbreak. Instead of spending hours interpreting mixed signals, you accidentally send them. Instead of wondering why you are not good enough for the person you have been chasing after, you will be the one getting chased with no intentions of being caught.

You might hate someone from your past for leading you on, for picking and choosing when to text you back, for alternating in and out of your world at whim — but sometimes, you will do the same thing to someone else even though you know how it feels. Even though you never want anyone to go through the same kind of pain you have endured.

Sometimes, you are the heartbreaker. You are the person you never wanted to become.