Sorry Glee, Coming Out Of The Closet Was Actually Super Fun


I have been openly gay for seven years, which means that today is my gayaversary! I realized it this morning when I was reading over “Dear Gay Dude” questions and subsequently got lost in a “coming out” K-hole.

So I have a confession to make. I know that coming out of the closet has been portrayed as this incredibly tortured thing and I’m sure for many {or most} it is. But that wasn’t my story. My coming out experience was actually spectacular. Instead of being greeted with a cold slap across the face, I was showered with penis pasta and a dildo. Literally. Allow me to explain.

I came out of the closet on the second to last day of my junior year. I had wanted to do it for awhile but was obviously afraid. I knew my parents and friends wouldn’t care {in fact my sister talked to me before about being “honest with myself and others”) but it was still scary for me to identify as gay. In the middle of my junior year, however, I met a boy at my school who was also gay and developed a crush on him. Soon he was all I could talk about. “OMG, what’s he doing? Should we hang out with him? I love him!” My friends were like, “Uh, yeah, he’s cool but why are you foaming at the mouth?” I wanted to shout back “Because I want to S his D!” but I couldn’t. It was frustrating because I knew that if I wanted to pursue this dude, I had to come out. I didn’t want to harbor these feelings for him while pretending to be straight.

So I came out. It was after school and I was driving with my best friend at the time. I think we were on the coast near Santa Barbara when I told her I had something to tell her. She immediately got super nervous and later admitted to me that she thought I was going to reveal that I had feelings for her (LOL). She pulled over on the side of the road because we were such teenage drama queens and I said, “Um, I think I’m gay.” She started to scream and was so happy and I was so happy. It felt amazing, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. We then went to California Pizza Kitchen to eat spinach artichoke dip and talk about boys.

The next few weeks were insane as I embarked on my Coming Out tour. I basically told everyone I knew in the span of two weeks. I was averaging three people a day and it was actually exhausting! To expedite the process, I decided to just throw a party where I would sit everyone down in my living room and play them a video of me saying that I was a big fat homo. Looking back, it was sort of genius. The video started with my best friend (and now roommate) and I slow dancing in my room when all of a sudden she tries to kiss me. I tell her “No, I can’t!” and then turn to the camera and say “BECAUSE I’M GAY!” I know, isn’t that just the queerest thing you’ve ever heard? My friends cheered for my homosexuality and then we all proceeded to get wasted off of two and a half Mike’s Hard Lemonade’s. To decorate for the party, I went to one of those weird novelty stores in the mall and bought penis pasta and other gay shit to put them in gift bags that I would give to my guests. It was probably the best party I ever threw in my life. Here’s an embarrassing picture from that night:

Anyway, that was that. I was here, queer, and so ready to deal with it. That summer ended up being everything I could ever ask for. I got to be with the dude I liked and finally be real with myself. My life felt like one of those cheesy coming out movies that you could rent at Blockbuster.

I know how lucky I was to have this experience. With the recent coverage of gay bullying, suicides, and anything that’s ever happened on Glee, people are constantly reminded that not everyone has such an easy road to acceptance. That being said, I feel like coming out stories such as mine also deserve to be a part of our cultural narrative. It doesn’t always have to get better because for some, it starts off great. I get frustrated with the media sometimes for painting such a bleak picture of homosexual youth, and I guess that’s why I chose to tell you my story— to remind you that sometimes coming out of the closet can be really amazing. You can get a boyfriend, penis pasta, and have a great excuse to throw a party when your mom goes out of town.

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image – Wikipedia