Standards Of Beauty: New York vs. Los Angeles


New York and L.A. are different in so many ways, but nothing separates them more than their contrasting ideas about beauty. Simply put, a babe in L.A. is a nay in New York. Conversely, a supermodel in New York is seen as a space alien in Los Angeles. They’re too tall and the real beauty queens here are actors who are typically 5’6″ or shorter. Seriously, celebrities are like famous little people. Seeing them in person is truly shocking because they usually don’t come up past your shoulder. Secrets revealed!

To be beautiful in New York, you have to be thin. I mean, you have to be thin everywhere to be considered attractive because our society is a judgmental punk but in New York especially, you have to be starving. And the city doesn’t even screw around with that whole “I’m super healthy looking from my tan but I haven’t actually eaten anything in three days” thing. That’s L.A.’s deal. L.A. is all about looking fit from your tan and drinking juices and wearing yoga pants but in reality, you are skin and bones. But New York delivers straight up anorexia to your eyes. No smoke and mirrors with this crowd.

Los Angeles likes blondes, New York prefers brunettes. L.A. is all about promoting exercise by hiking with your dogs in Runyon Canyon, taking a kickboxing class, and wearing your workout apparel 24/7 to prove that you do, in fact, work out. New Yorkers maintain their bodies in secret at expensive gyms. Workout gear is not chic and therefore can only be worn when you’re actually working out. New York also doesn’t like to show the body off. The goal is to look like you’re drowning in fabric at all times. L.A., on the other hand, loves to expose their taut tan bodies. The year-round warm weather allows them to show off their legs in sundresses and toned arms in a tank top. This city has never met a pair of denim shorts it didn’t like.

Both cities have unhealthy standards of beauty. New York is more upfront about it though. It wants you to look like a junkie. It’s begging you to put fake track marks on your arm. New York screams “WE DON’T LIKE FAT PEOPLE” whereas L.A. hisses it in a hushed whisper at a cocktail party. Both are shallow and narcissistic and want you to achieve something that’s unrealistic. It’s interesting, however, to notice that one city’s idea of class is another city’s idea of complete trash. It’s like groups of superficial people had a meeting over a hundred years ago and were like, “Okay, if you think tanning and sweatpants is cute, go here. If you’re into lots of black clothing and pale skin, go to New York. That way we can each have our own ideas of beauty and they won’t ever conflict. Yay! Now, who’s up for a bouillon cube???”

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