Stop Telling Me I Won The Breakup


If you Google “Win the breakup,” over 26.6 million results pop up.

With the advent of the Internet, the idea of winning the breakup has become more prevalent. My parents, total Internet newbies, knew the term, maybe not in the Facebook/Instagram sense, but in the “that breakup was just a blip on your radar” sense. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year-and-a-half. In the month since the breakup, I have been told approximately 5 times that I “won the breakup.” Once by each parent (not in so many words), once by a coworker, once by my future sister in law, and once by a best friend for the night (#bfftn) on a random night out in NYC. While I might be giving off the vibe that I’m all good, the breakup was hard.

I tried to break up with him twice before the third time stuck. I knew most of the time we were dating that he wasn’t right for me, but I still wanted him to be. I was in love with him, maybe I still am. I might have been the one to break up with him and he might have been the one to fight it, but it’s not a competition. It was a relationship and then a breakup. It hurt for both of us.

I can see how people around me might think that “winning the breakup” is a good thing. You came out of a totally horrible situation in your life and you wound up on top. Good for you. But in every competition, there is a loser and losing totally sucks, and in this case it doesn’t actually have to happen. Not only does losing suck, but winning this competition is not something I want. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a competitive person, if there is a competition out there, I will want to win it. But this competition is needless, petty, and stupid. It doesn’t make any of the parties feel better.

Do yourself a favor and pull yourself from this competition.