The 20 Best Movies That Hollywood Hasn’t Made Yet


News broke this week that Meryl Streep, queen of Hollywood and of my heart, has been cast as the witch in the film production of Into the Woods. Into the Woods, the Stephen Sondheim musical that weaves together several fairytales and asks, in its second act, the great unanswered question – what happens after “happily ever after”? — is pretty much my favorite musical of all time. And it’s got some stiff competition, too, your Kiss Me, Kates, and your Singin’ in the Rains, and your Last Five Yearses. Into the Woods is excellent source material for a movie. The witch, whose main role is not to cast spells but to make us question our ideas about good, evil, powerful women, age, and beauty, is an excellent part. And Meryl Streep is the definition of excellent. I’m excited. But to be honest, I’d watch Meryl Streep in almost anything (I mean, I’ve seen Mamma Mia more than once, and that movie is objectively terrible). I’d pay good money to watch Meryl Streep do totally mundane things. And not just Meryl Streep, now that I think of it…

20 movies I would pay good money to see:

Meryl Streep in Unloading the Dishwasher

Daniel Day Lewis in Signing Up for Online Auto Bill Pay

Hugh Jackman in Taking Out the Recycling

Ru Paul in Going to the Shops to Buy Milk

Gabourey Sidibe and Stephen Colbert in Folding Socks

Helen Mirren in Eating Pumpkin Soup

Donald Glover in Rearranging Furniture

Gabourey Sidibe, Stephen Colbert, and Joseph Gordon Levitt in Folding Socks 2

Connie Britten in Braiding Hair

Patrick Stewart, Maggie Smith, and Ian McKellen in Drinking Tea

Emma Stone in Mailing Some Postcards

Steve Martin in On Hold with Time Warner Cable

Chris Brown in Sitting in a Corner Thinking About What He’s Done, a movie for which he will
receive no payment

Octavia Spencer in Ordering Takeout

Trey Parker and Matt Stone in Assembling an IKEA Dresser

Amy Poehler in Literally Anything

Jane Lynch and Taye Diggs in Feeding the Cat

Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in Riding an Escalator

Justin Timberlake in Shopping for Flatware

Retta in Literally Anything 2

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