The 5 Types Of People In Every College Classroom


There are all kinds of people in this world. A college classroom is a good way to get a little slice of each kind of person out there. There are FIVE TYPES OF PEOPLE THAT ALWAYS SHOW UP IN EVERY CLASSROOM. Here in no particular order:

1. The uni-bomber guy who usually smells

This guy usually has greasy hair and wears a green army jacket. You know the type, he’s the kind of guy that murmurs when the teacher talks and never takes notes. If you have to pass a paper down to him, he might take it, but not without hesitation and head twitching. This isn’t the silent guy you dream about talking to in the corner, he is the one that you hope isn’t going to get something sticky on the pencil that you just dropped rolling in his direction. (Or even get it back at all) He could be harmless, but more likely than not there are things in his ripped up messenger bag that would make us cringe.

2. The ever so wise non-traditional student

This person (male or female) has been around the block a couple times and usually jokes around with the teacher, because they are from the same generation. Wise cracks about “these darn kids” and “in my time kids knew how to act right” tend to be the topic of conversation for these students who want to get their degree later on in life. Major props to people who decide to further their education at whatever age, but the typical nontraditional student ALWAYS knows “better”. The class discusses civil rights reform, Vietnam, or Woodstock, and she grumbles and tells her classmates that it wasn’t at all like the textbook says, and then proceeds to tell the story of a little girl walking to school barefoot, and a “Daddy did his best to provide but sometimes that meant going without milk” anecdote that doesn’t at all prove her point. This is especially bad if you are in class discussing women’s rights with an older female student that has been married with kids. Suddenly, because you didn’t get married and have children at the age of twelve, your opinion isn’t valuable and you get the “oh honey, you just don’t understand” speech. Bless them. Obama still is president. Don’t get them started on that.

3. The preppy sorority sister

I don’t mean to offend those affiliated with Greek life, but come on. Do we all have to wear matching tote bags to feel like we belong? If I have to hear one more conversation about how “my big surprised me, gosh I love my big, my big is the sweetest”, (gran-big, cousin-big, incestuous relationship partner, all one in the same)  and “Did you go to SIGMA KAPPA BOLOGNA party last night?” I might spit. This is the girl that comes into class sporting her letters everyday and seems to feel as if everyone should know what they stand for, and realize that those letters give her entitlement. She’s the kind of girl you want to grab by her perfectly highlighted/curled for class hair and give her a nice talking to. In the sad world she’s created for herself, money buys friends. However, it cannot buy grades, and it amazes me the amount of sorority girls pouting over their crappy grades the morning after one of their late night “functions.” Don’t even get me started on the dress up days. Next.

4. The local “wanna be” rap star

This guy has his headphones on the entire class period, blasting his rap music and almost always singing along. He seems to be everywhere, promoting himself, and his crappy music that “features” all of his other friend’s that also happen to be musicians. Because someone has a room underneath a shady bar with a Mac in it doesn’t mean you have a “recording studio” to drop some sick beats. Many of these self proclaimed “musicians” record a couple bars of nonsense on garage band and then flood social media with things like “Dope NEW MIXTAPE” or “ME AND A BRUTHA GOT SICK LAST NITE #CREATIVITY #EVOLUTION” And if they actually did perform somewhere, the audience would consist of the bar’s alcoholic regulars and couple of groupie girls that have set their sights on bedding a “rapper.” Let’s be real here. You aren’t a rapper because you can rhyme three lines and successfully download someone else’s beat. What cracks me up the most about these guys is they all expect you to know about them. During class they ask, “Hey gurr, you seen my new music video? It’s hype.” Or even better, “You’re coming to my show this weekend right? Its gonna be epic.”  Not to mention they all name themselves crazy stuff that I know good and well their mama does not call them. Remember when music was an art form? Miss that.

5. The loud, always asking the professor questions girl

You know her, I know her. We all know her. She is the girl that from the very first day sat in the front of the classroom, and barely lets the professor catch his breath in between answering her questions. The worst part is her questions never seem to pertain to the lesson, or if they do it’s always a topic the rest of the class has already grasped and is ready to move on. This girl is basically just obnoxious and annoying, no real evil. She doesn’t know she’s doing anything wrong. The worst thing she is capable of is asking a question that requires a thirty minute lecture ten minutes before class ends. There are always those professors that feel bad about leaving a question unanswered, accompanied with those students who want to slit her neck and get a seat in the cafe on time.