The 7 Craziest Things I’ve Ever Done To Get A Guy’s Attention (That Didn’t Work)


1. Learned to be a scratch golfer in about a month

Claiming to be a scratch golfer to impress a guy is all fun and games until he invites you to a captain and crew charity tournament. I had five weeks to buy all my gear and learn to play. I hired a private coach and golfed four to five times a week for over a month to prepare.

2. Sent a poem every day for 14 days in a row

What do you do when you go on two dates with someone and think you’re in love? You email him an original poem every day for 14 days. (Spoiler alert: He did not accept my invitation to date #3.)

3. Took pictures with his dogs every time I drove by his house

When the “love of your life” moves away after college to pursue a career in a different state, what’s the best way to keep him thinking about you? Obviously you show up at his family’s home (where you don’t know his parents), take pictures with his beloved family dog, and send them to him.

4. Had my friend send him an email begging him to talk to me

What do you do when someone you like won’t respond to your emails, phone calls, text messages, marriage proposals, singing telegrams, or smoke signals? You force one of your friends to email him.

5. Sent him a check for $1

So you go out with someone you really like and need a creative way to follow up with him? How about tracking down the address of his LLC and sending him a check for a dollar, with instructions to cash it if you’ll ever get to see him again. (Eight months later, I’m still waiting for him to cash it.)

6. Made a video for him


Can’t get his attention no matter how hard you try? You should pick a song he likes and make an interactive video for him.

7. Pretended to be Catholic

Let me tell you, trying to date a Catholic virgin when you’re an atheist trying to sleep with a Catholic virgin is a recipe for disaster. I went to church every Sunday and bought a plant and named it “Job.” (As in the “the Book of.” You know. From the Bible.) We both “got off,” but it did NOT end well.

featured image by Craig Maltby