The 9 Facebook Profile Pics Everybody Had In The Mid 2000s (And What They Were Really Saying)
Creeping yourself on Facebook is miserable and magical. (Oh yeah.) It’s reliving all of your best moments and all of your worst social media mistakes. Sure, we can delete those truly horrendous profile pictures, but in this Zuckerbergian era of the screenshot and the ever-changing Facebook timeline, they’re never really gone for good. Here are 9 Facebook profile pictures from your past and what they said:
1. The model shot.
Shot with anything better than an iPhone camera, this picture featured your intense, smoldering eyes. For the photo credit you tagged your best friend’s photography page.
What it said: Currently a high school diva, seeking representation and/or that you needed an ironic picture for your newly launched Youtube channel.
2. The freshman shot.
Set on the top of a bar, behind a beer pong table, in the middle of the dance floor or behind a DJ booth. Your face can’t actually be seen behind your swinging hair and your arms are flung upward, to the side, or woven together to display your sorority’s gang sign. The caption reads: “It’s water, mom. I swear.”
What it said: I’m not old enough to get into a bar, but I won’t let that stop me ‘cause YOLO.
3. The picture you hoped your crush would see.
This explores the art form known as the selfie-in-disguise. It was taken on Photobooth. You’re made up perfectly. Your best feature just happens to look amazing. The picture’s cropped so you can’t tell your arms are pushing into your chest for cleavage accentuation purposes. You asked your friend to comment, “oh hey gorgeous.” She complied.
What it said: HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I LIKE YOU GODDAMMIT?!
4. The adventurer.
This masterpiece features you with any travel destination and is likely a result of study abroad, or a post-college tour d’Europe. You’re in Amsterdam riding a bike, in Paris lying by the Eiffel Tower or on safari pointing to an elephant. Or you’re looking over a breath taking view, in a moment reminiscent of the scene in The Lion King when Mufasa shows Simba their kingdom.
What it said: The line stacked up behind me as I took 20 versions of this picture, with 20 different wistful expressions. Hashtag wanderlust.
5. The look-away.
It’s a classic of you with a candid expression at any angle. It suggests that you were smiling at your bestie, mid-conversation with your classmate or laughing at your boyfriend. It doesn’t matter if that wasn’t actually the case. It doesn’t matter if you broke up with that boyfriend. That was a damn good laughing shot of you. Your nose looked just right and your eyes could’ve rivaled Tyra’s. So you cropped the ex out and made the picture black and white.
What it said was entirely dependent on what quote you paired with the picture.
6. The one from the holiday that happened 3 weeks before.
Often filtered, featuring you with an ornament, in a Halloween costume or wearing red, white and blue at a BBQ.
What it said: The last time I wore make-up and straightened my hair was Christmas day. Deal with it.
7. The “hire me.”
The picture shows you as a college senior wearing a headset, posing next to a camera, holding a pen, or doing whatever you’d marked as your future trade.
What it said: Dear alumni, I’ll literally blow you for a job.
8. The cropped one.
You finally found the perfect picture of yourself. Unfortunately, it was the group pic. So you cropped it and hey, you still look great. Who cares that you’re pixilated and when people view your prof pic at full screen, you’re 2” x 3”?
What it said: I’m too attached to how good my hair looks in this picture to let it go.
9. The professional headshot.
It’s from your first job and is also your LinkedIn profile picture. Professional lighting. Winning smile.
What it said: I just got my first real job and I’m stoked because half of my friends are still unemployed. So what if I can’t make rent on my entry-level salary? I still win.