The 9 Guys You’ll Date In College


1. The older man

You’re a freshman, and he’s a senior. Maybe it was because you had just recently re-watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and wanted to be like Bridget Vreeland, but there’s something about the fact that he’s older that makes you really, really want him. The stigma against seniors hooking up with freshman only fuels you further. You end up hooking up, and you wear the hickeys like a badge of honor.

2. The mistake

You’ll have a semester – probably during Freshman year – where you are determined to hook up with someone in every dormitory. (If Mom and Dad are paying this much for you to go to school, you should make the most of it, right?) You won’t remember much about the hook-up except for thinking that he was funny, and that you got glitter all over his face. Your friends will laugh when you confess that you guys slept together, and then advise you to not tell anyone else.

3. The one with a girlfriend

Let the one who has not sinned throw the first…okay, yeah, a shitty thing to do. But as awful as it is, there’s something a bit tempting about liking a guy who has a girlfriend. And when he responds to any flirtation, it somehow feels a bit more successful than usual. You will hook up with him, he’ll feel guilty in the middle and stop before things get too serious, and months later you will stalk him and his girlfriend on Facebook and think to yourself that they do, in fact, look super cute together.

4. The good friend

You’ve always used him as the guy friend who can make your other potential guy hook-ups jealous. You’re super comfortable around each other, and he’s more than averagely attractive. You’ll get drunk one night and sleep with him. Since he’s such a good friend, he will let you guys make out to Taylor Swift, and actually sleep through the night with you. You’ll go to bed thinking that you’re in love, and wake up sober realizing it can’t go any further.

5. The Buddhist

You’ve just discovered exactly how awesome weed is this semester, and you’re determined to try more things that are new and different. He’s Buddhist, vegan, and he walks around campus without shoes on. Perfect. You’ll date briefly until one night, when you try to kiss him, and he instead responds with yet another speech about the human nature. A week later, you stop listening to Iron & Wine, and embarrassingly give your friend the prayer beads that you bought off Amazon.

6. The one you never thought you could get

He’s the super sexy lifeguard at the pool. Tan, chiseled, and let’s just admit it, who hasn’t had the fantasy of hooking up with a lifeguard? He’s constantly around other hot lifeguards and swimmers, so you think you’ll never have a chance…until he talks to you one night at a party. You’ll gather an emergency GNO the next day to gush about it. When you hook it, it’s exactly as mind blowing as you thought it would be. You proceed with your life, now with the newfound knowledge that hot guys are normal people, too.

7. The Freshman

You’re now an upperclassman, and you know you shouldn’t be hooking up with a Freshman, but dammit this guy is just so great. You’ll get drunk enough one night to make out with him, and he turns out to be fantastic. Not fantastic enough to get rid of the stigma, though. But good enough to teach you that age really is nothing but a number.

8. The sexy one

You have never seen a more perfect body in your entire life. You can’t believe that this guy exists at your university, and is actually single. You’ll start hooking up with him and your friends will soon get tired of you gushing about just how great the sex is. You don’t care. It’s that great. You tell some of your friends that they should hook up with him too, just to experience something as amazing as this. They think you’re weird. Why would you want to share sexual partners? But really, unless they haven’t ridden a unicorn once in their life too, they’ll never understand.

9. The funny one

You’ve waited your whole life to be with someone funny, and this guy is it. He’s sociable, smart, hilarious, the whole package. You’ll spend an entire night and morning hooking up because in between making out you swap stories and crack jokes. You’ll laugh during sex. Sex is funny. People make weird noises and move strange ways. It happens. At around 7 AM, you’ll stop laughing for enough time that both of you can fall asleep together.