The Best And Worst Places To Think About Your Existential Dread


Best places to have an Existential Crisis:

1. Long train rides, preferably in a foreign country for added drama.

2. Long car rides, but only when you’re not driving.

3. Hot showers.

4. Last mile of a run.

5. The subway ride home.

6. In line at the post office.

7. In your bed—but only at two specific times: before leaving for brunch and after coming home from dinner.

8. 3:42 minutes into Queen’s ‘Somebody To Love.’

9. Any place with a spectacular view of the city and where you can see into everyone’s apartment windows and can imagine them living their lives and not knowing that you even exist.

10. Sitting in your childhood bedroom at 9pm.

11. Bar bathrooms with dim lighting and plentiful hand soap.

12. Your office bathroom with bright lighting and plentiful hand soap.

13. At the coffee shop you sit in almost weekend.

14. In the moments of silence that happen after you’ve finished a good book.

15. Overlooking a major body of water.

Worst places to have an Existential Crisis:

1. While you’re driving and other people are in the car.

2. In the middle of a good day dream.

3. Mid-conversation with somebody you just met.

4. The subway ride to work.

5. In the dressing room at H&M.

6. Right before you fall asleep.

7. Grocery stores. Especially in the produce section.

8. Airplane bathrooms.

9. Your best friend’s wedding.

10. In crowds of any kind.

11. At the Hudson News in the JFK airport.

12. In the moments of silence that happen right after you’ve gotten off the phone with somebody you love.

13. The halfway point of a nature hike.

14. In the middle of writing something.

15. When you find yourself looking in the mirror alone in the bathroom at a party.