The Diary Of A Tea Addict


If you are like most mid 20-somethings or older, you probably have some form of “crack” you depend on whether it is that diet coke, black coffee, or $5 cappuccino if you’ve sold your soul to the coffee industry. I at all times have a kettle full of black tea in my kitchen. It’s such a struggle. Without it, I am useless in most of the scenarios I encounter in my semi-adult, college student, part-time jewelry consultant life. Here I have tried to capture the phases I go through in this “revitalizing” process in order to determine whether my tea addiction is effective or not.  As a student in the college of business, maximizing utility is super important… that’s all I really got out of my microeconomics class.

07:00: 0%

SLEEPING BEAUTY: If I had three wishes, one would be to be to wake up everyday to a hot cup of black tea next to me. Now that I think about it, it would be for someone to hand that cup of black tea to me because I don’t have a nightstand. I keep a large suitcase where a nightstand should be. I’m not a jet-setter. I just don’t have anywhere else to keep it. #collegestudentproblemz

08:30: 10%

JUST CHUG: I would love to tell you that I drink my tea after I do yoga and do my morning meditation and that you can see super cool posts about it on my Instagram. The truth is that I shamelessly chug my tea from my green (school-spirit) tea tumbler at any red lights on the way to work. I chug my expensive Teavana tea like its alcohol and I’m drinking in the parking lot before going into a really expensive club. I open my throat wide and let it all slide in there.

09:30: 60%

SHE’S AWAKE: This is usually the most demanding part of my day and the reason I chug instead of taking cute sips like the lady I am. I have to hit the floor running. This is when I am a fully functioning and productive adult. If I woke up earlier, I could consume it a little slower. I choose to hit snooze a once or twice (more like 4 to 5 times) and binge drink on the way to work. I have to accomplish things carefully and effectively in this stage because things can get a little wild from here on out.

11:00: 110%

COMPLETE FIEND: Of course, by this time I have already snuck to the break room several times to take a few more drinks from my tea tumbler. Here is where it catches up and hits me all at once. At work, I stop listening to my manager, or anyone for that matter, and just work work work. I end up doing exactly what she said I should not do 10 seconds ago. I move quickly. My eyes get super shifty and I can’t stare off into space or “listen attentively” in situations when socially acceptable.  I feel like Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black. It’s not pretty.

Honestly, the rest of the day isn’t especially productive either. I do some homework after work but I am so “alert” that I end up opening like 10 different windows on my computer. Then later at night, when I’m trying to go to sleep, my mind won’t shut off. In a nutshell, tea gives me the illusion of being very productive because I move fast and talk fast but in the end I get just as little done. Then I stay up reading articles on Thought Catalog until I decide I would like to write an article of my own.