The Downsides To Spring Break


I went on only one Spring Break that is very clichéd of not only sorority girls, frat bros, but college kids in general. In March 2012 I made the journey to Panama City Beach, Florida with some of my best friends. This trip was one of the best, and worst decisions I have ever made in college.

When we talk about Spring Break, we don’t always tell the truth. We say it was fun, and we say it was crazy. But do we tell those stories that people would not only judge us for, but really be concerned with our well-being? My guess is no. So this is sort of a warning for all those college kids about to embark on one of the greatest, most embarrassing, surreal experiences they will ever have. These are some of the stories I have from that week. And because most, if not all of us, have graduated college and live in the real world now, most if not all names have been omitted.

If you almost die before you get to your destination, you might want to consider it a sign.

There was a hurricane on I-85 the night we left for Panama City Beach. Other cars left at midnight, and drove through the storm. We left at 4am, all seven of us packed into a pine green ’97 Nissan Quest, lovingly named the Gypsy Wagon.

It was pitch black on I-85 when we set out, and Chelsea was driving pretty fast. I took off my seatbelt to put my sweat pants on over my shorts. My legs were in the air as I tried wiggling them on. My foot hit the door handle, and the sliding door flung open in the wind. The overhead light went on. Everyone yelled but me. I threw the door closed and sat in fetal position.

“What the hell just happened?”

“Polo almost died!”

We weren’t even out of North Carolina and I almost died. This had to be an omen.

If you give out your real number, expect some weird.

I had full intentions on giving out fake numbers all week. But with a little help from my dear friend Burnett’s, I gave out my real one on accident. I wish I still had the conversation that took place one night, all because my friend stole my phone while I was showering. But all you really need to know about that conversation are these two texts, “I’m in the middle of the dance floor come feel this dick.” and “Fins me.”

Seriously just don’t give out your real number. You are not going to find love in a hopeless place, just some strange.

There is a possibility you might wake up in pee.

I’m not going to say who peed the bed we were sharing; I’m just going to say that it happened. It’s three years later and I’m still not over this, hence why I’m adding it to this article.

You might pee in or on some weird places.

We all know that alcohol makes you pee a lot, and there will be times when a bathroom isn’t in the stars. That week I peed between cars in a parking lot, in the ocean, on the sand at night, in a bush, and in port-a-potties. If you only pee in actual toilets, you’re going to have a rough time.

You will probably get mad at someone.

There was one night when one of my friends was the worst. She told us she was in a white van outside of the club, and in a sea of white vans we found her in the only green one. She ran away from us in the hotel room. She locked herself in the bathroom. She wanted to go back to the club. She yelled at everyone and no one in particular. And she just wouldn’t go the hell to bed. When she finally fell asleep, she was diagonally across the bed we were sharing.

I hated her that night. I didn’t want to talk to her. But she didn’t remember any of it. Now that doesn’t excuse her, but she was sorry.

I’m just saying one of your drunk friends will probably turn into the worst drunk in the world. Just be warned.

You can try to day drink and drink at night, but good luck.

I only tried to do this once, and let’s just say I got sick somewhere I shouldn’t and someone will probably never forgive me for it.

You will have limited funds; you might have to choose food or beer.

And obviously because you’re going on Spring Break you are going to choose beer. Unless you’re responsible and actually saved the appropriate amount of money, unlike everyone I lived with that week. I have never seen more Easy Mac, Beefaroni, Uncle Ben’s Rice, and Eggo Waffles in my life. One of the most vivid images from that trip is my one friend, sitting on the floor with a pot of Beefaroni (because a bowl would have been too much work), and how orange the sink was after she was finished. As if the copious amounts of alcohol weren’t bad enough, we were eating like unchaperoned children on a budget of $3 a day.

Don’t play Never Have I Ever.

We played this game every single night before we went to the clubs, and we used it as a way to make fun of each other. I don’t care if these are your best friends and one day they will be in your wedding, there are just some things you can’t unhear or unsee. After playing that game I can’t look at some of my best friends the same way ever again. The greatest things we learned during this game involves dick slaps, using kisses as a measurement for a penis, and of course public hand jobs. I wish I were making this up. Also, don’t play this game because one day, one of your friends who is a writer, will probably share these embarrassing stories with the internet like I am now (sorry guys).

There is a time and place to get Mardi Gras Beads.

And those times pretty much exclusively take place in New Orleans. Don’t flash some dude in some club just because he has beads. Especially if it isn’t Mardi Gras. Seriously, just don’t do it.

There will be close quarters.

There were six of us in one hotel room. There was one bedroom with a full size bed, a bunk bed, and one pull out couch. If you don’t like sleeping closely with your friends, I suggest thinking again about where you book your hotel. Also, don’t have sex with some random (or your boyfriend, or some dude from school, or anyone for that matter) where everyone can hear you. I’m just saying, pull out couches are designed to be squeaky, if you hear giggles from the bunk beds not twenty feet away, you had that shit coming.

Even if you blackout, you will never forget what you did.

Every single morning my friends and I would huddle in the living room with our breakfast, and inform the others of the dumb shit they did they night before. It has been three years since this trip, and still each and every time I see those friends we make fun of each other. You might not remember what you did, but I promise your friend will never let you forget it (as long as they’re real friends).