The Eggs Of Hate: Racist Easter Eggs Spotted In Virginia


If you asked Jesus why he died on the cross, I don’t think he would say it was to enable assholes to spread racist messages in Easter eggs 2,000 years later. Granted, I’ve never personally met Jesus, but I have a hunch he wouldn’t be “down” with a shocking new story about racist Easter eggs in the formerly Confederate State of Virginia.

Parents in the West End of Henrico County, VA—wherever that is—were reportedly “outraged” when, in the midst of their annual family Easter egg hunt, they found that others had left eggs containing hateful messages such as “DIVERSITY” = WHITE GENOCIDE and links to and, which I’m sure would qualify as hate sites just because of, you know, the names and stuff.

Spurred by their outrage, the outraged parents claimed to have canvassed (or is it traversed?) the rest of their neighborhood warning other parents to be on the lookout for the sinister Hate Eggs. An exact total of how many parents were further outraged by this was not available at press time.

If you ask the 700,000 or so people who died in the Civil War why they gave their lives—that is, assuming you were somehow able to either resuscitate them or communicate with them during a séance—I don’t think they’d say it was because they wanted to ensure that 150 years after the fact, some jerkoff could freely spread a message of racial hate and thereby poison a young person’s mind through the universally seductive allure of free Easter candy. Do we really want our young children to wind up committing hate crimes whenever they smell toasted coconut dipped in chocolate? Can’t you open your eyes and see how, after a generation or two, that would become problematic? Seriously, you need to read a book or something.

What does it say about our so-called “free” country that 2,000 years since Jesus suffered a slow, bloody, agonizing, teeth-grinding, gut-twisting death and 150 years after hundreds of thousands of scruffy and malnourished soldiers gave up the ghost to free the slaves, we, as a society, are still seeing racist messages in Easter eggs? It says, quite obviously, that we have a long way to go. We may not all get there, or we may not all get there at the same time, or some of us may get there before I do—honestly, I forget how that one goes—but the arc of moral justice is long, and if you don’t bend over, you may get fucked.

Even more depressing are studies that reveal adult humans both black and white—as well as infants of all colors—prefer eggs that come in white shells rather than brown ones. Actually, I just made that up, but when you think about it, people do seem to prefer the white shells. And have you ever noticed how some people, in the name of “health,” will simply discard the egg “yellow” (Asian) and eat only the “white” part? I do think all this says something about our society. I’m not quite sure what it says about our society, and I’m not sure you are, either, but I think we can both agree that something stinks, and it stinks bad.

What’s next—anti-Semitic Fourth of July hot dogs? Homophobic Halloween candy? A Christmas Rape Joke Anthology 4 Kids? We, as a nation, need to keep the hate out of our holidays. There’s plenty of time for hate, both constructive and recreational, all throughout the rest of the year.