The Lessons Learned In Trying To Unlove You


i learned that even when you let someone borrow your pillow
and they promise to give it back
they are liars
no matter how badly you try to get your striped blue pillow back
the same stripes that matched the sheets
you first tasted a guy between
and every attempt you ever made to get the pillow back
was really just unable to let go of him

now years have passed
and my love for you has not
but now i am smart and know to bring nothing
except a guard for my heart
which will likely love you even more
after you are way past through with me

you have consumed my thoughts
all of them
every free waking minute
my mind wanders to you
and then i remember my pillow
and how you never gave it back
and i purposely left it so i wouldn’t have to wake you
because i loved you then just as much as i love you now

then i remember the unanswered texts
and you hanging all over that girl while i watched backstage
pretending not to notice

i now hope it was just to get my attention
but it was not
because you use me to get your fill
then you leave
and i love you still

and then i recall how you told your friends about me
i know because i heard you
because i was standing right behind you
and you were drunk with a cigarette in your hand
talking about me
and how good of a lay i was
am i still
is that why you want to see me
is that the only reason you want to see me

but it’s ok
because you double texted me last week
and you called me a week and a half since we had last spoke
the same day i told you to call
because i was busy
and you were there
and just the other day
you actually asked about me
rather than asking for something from me

are we friends
is that what i can expect from you when i see you next
will we talk
and share our lives track record
since that night i left my boyfriend behind
to spend the night with you

and then all this thinking
sends me into a feeling
that i would kneel before you
submit my entire self to you
here is my heart
and my mind, body, and being
because breathing you in gets me high
and feeling you in brings me back

but you don’t love me like this
you don’t even love me at all