The Many Meanings Of “She Has A Boyfriend”

The phrase “she has a boyfriend” is nothing interesting… in terms of grammar and intent. It’s declarative, information giving, and replacing “boyfriend” with any other arbitrary word creates an even blander sentence. Unless you replace it with an STD, then it’s suddenly a statement of doom. However, in terms of connotation, “she has a boyfriend” has started to mean too many things in today’s society (aka College). Overall, it’s acquired a negative connotation if anything. Here are some of today’s true meanings of this once subjective and lackluster declaration…

1. When a guy is eyeing a girl and contemplating unleashing their inner animal and pursuing their prey.

“I’m gonna go talk to her…”

“Dude no, she has a boyfriend.”

This either sparks one of two reactions.

• Compliant defeat: “Awww damn… on to the next one.”
• Or the enticing adrenaline from a challenge and a douche-y quote: “Just ‘cause there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score “ #barf

2. Going to college and realizing your future roomie and potential bff suffers from “bff” (boyfriend fever).

“Are you excited for college? Do you know your roommate?”

“Yeah she looks cool but she like has a boyfriend…”

Con: or she could ALWAYS be in your room… skyping him, texting him, calling him, looking at her wall-shrine of him… you might start feeling like an intruding third-wheel in your own room.

Con: when the husband comes to visit every weekend and “sexiled” becomes your permanent status on Facebook.

Con: say goodbye to all those best friend roomie pics and bonding you never had.

Pro: … uh… if you want your own space 24/7, maybe she’ll always go home to see him. #bitchesloveloneliness

3. Deciding on which little to take in your sorority.

“I think I really want Jessica… but she like has a boyfriend.”

“ooooooh….”

It seems like almost a deal breaker. Anyone in a sorority knows that your Little is like a real pseudo little sister, your soul mate, and your obsession. She’s supposed to be the one who loves and looks up to you and never say no to when you ask her to hang out.  But what if she’s always away with the “love of her life”? Oh and it also makes you feel like shit the fact that she’s younger than you and in a committed relationship while you remain single without a loving little to comfort you. Maybe her boyfriend has some hot friends. #cougar.

4. Why isn’t _______ coming out with us?

“Take a shot with meeeee. Wait why isn’t Lara going out?!”

“Oh she has a boyfriend.”

In this situation, it almost implies that she is busy skyping, busy being faithful, and busy being cough boring… #boner

5. A somehow legitimate answer for a girl to not go abroad… (it’s not)

“Do you know if Roxanne got into study abroad?

“Yeah! She really wants to go to Italy, but she has a boyfriend so… you know.”

No I don’t know. Yeah I’m biased about going abroad whatever. But the fact that a boyfriend keeps some girls from experiencing one of the most amazing things college has to offer is just ridiculous. If you can afford it, your parents approve, and your 4-year graduation plan allows it then there should be nothing holding you back. If it’s meant to be, he’ll be there when you get back. Also, sidenote: no one wants to be in a relationship while abroad. #justdoit

6. Who is _______ bringing to formal/datenight/any event ever.

“Who are you bringing to formal?”

“Ah I don’t know yet…”

“Haha same. What about your roomies?”

“Amy doesn’t know yet either and Nina has a boyfriend.”

This lucky individual gets to avoid the blood, sweat, and tears of finding a date to an event. Finding the perfect combination of friend, hotness, fun, and drinking ability is an art. But these lucky gals get to sidestep that landmine and already have their John Smith to their Pocahontas, their Ken to their Barbie, and for me, their John to their Yoko (yeah I did). #thejealousyisreal

7. And lastly, it can make you contemplate your entire existence when a girl whom you deemed as less attractive, less fun, less likeable, and everything else less than you has a boyfriend and you don’t.

“Ugh I literally can’t stand Morgan.”

“Yeah I don’t know how she has a boyfriend.”

“… SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND?!?!”

It’s a statement of disbelief and an overall slap in the face. You spend your time loathing her, talking shit, and tearing apart her appalling wardrobe choices. But you can’t help but silently ponder what she has that you don’t… #selfreflection