The Melancholy Of Missing You

I miss you.

I keep telling myself to stop feeling this way. I badly want to end this kind of feeling towards you because I know it’s not gonna work on us anymore. Even if I say it out loud or whisper it under my breath, nothing will still change. Even if I’m going to text you anonymously, watch you from afar, or send this message to you right now, not a single thing will ever change.

I know. I know that. I’ve already faced that reality. I know that one single fact, but I miss you. I miss you and there’s nothing that I can do. I miss you, and it’s okay if there’s nothing left for me to do. I just miss you and I’m not asking for anything in return. I’m also not expecting for something to happen, may it be good or bad. I know that I sound weird, but I really just miss you. I hope you won’t mind — me feeling this way and me… missing you every single day.

And I know you don’t.
You don’t mind anything about me.
But I just really miss you.
And I hope that’s okay.
Because for me, it is.

I just miss the way we talk about things, especially at night. We would talk anything under the sun, or under the moon, rather. We would stay up all night and just… talk. Sometimes, you would come up with a lame and cheesy and corny joke, and I would laugh out loud because I appreciate it. Sometimes, we would talk about our past, about the things that changed us, and about the lessons we received from the people who hurt us. Sometimes we would even swear to each other that we will never hurt each other in the same way that those people did to us. And sometimes, we would smile, because the thought of being with each other’s company is very comforting. It is like being in a blissful mood, and there’s nothing, or no one, who could ruin it.

I miss the way you would hold my hand, the way you would cup my cheeks while facing me and while looking at me intently, and also, I miss the way your touches made me feel safe, relaxed, comfortable, and protected. I miss thinking about how special I am to you because I’m the only one who can be in your arms, who can stay with you and who can be with you all day and night. I miss the time when all we have is each other and I miss feeling it’s just okay. I miss being in your arms. I miss being cuddled by you. I miss being held by you. I miss your warmth. I miss the feeling of being safe with you.

I miss your voice. I miss the times when we would stay all night and sing every song in our playlist. I miss the funny accent of yours. I miss the way you sing our favorite songs. I miss how you’d use that cute tone of voice just to make me feel happy. I miss the way I could hear the happiness in your voice. I miss it even more when you say that you love me. Of all people to love, you chose me. I miss the times when you’d spend an entire hour telling me how lucky you think you are because you’re the one who get to be with me. I miss it when you say you miss me even if we just talk about a couple of hours ago.

I miss US.
I miss being yours.
I miss being with you.
I miss being loved by you.

I really hope you won’t mind that. I’ve already accepted everything. I know we can’t turn everything back to the way we are before. I know we can’t be together anymore. I know I can’t be yours and you can’t be mine. I know it’s for the best because I know that you and I deserve to find someone else better. I know that whatever we had before is now a memory and I know it will remain like that forever.

But I just really miss you.

I miss you so much that tonight, all I could ever think about is you. Even when the reality is coming up to me like a racing car, fast like the wind, crashing so hard like the waves, and hitting me like a huge slap on my face, body, and soul, I still miss you.

I know it sucks.
But I just really miss you.
I hope you don’t mind—

Which I surely know you won’t.