The Politics Of Giving Christmas Gifts


Buying Christmas gifts for people is weird. Like, who do I buy gifts for and who do I leave out? What if someone blindsides me with a gift when I haven’t gotten them something? Isn’t that so awkward?

My gift giving policy is usually this: if I see something that’s perfect for someone throughout the year, I’ll get it for them. As a result, my friends and family will get their gifts as early as February. I don’t like rushing everything in at once. I don’t like searching for gifts. I like to stumble upon them and be like, “OMG, this would be perfect for so-and so!” and then I get it for them.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn’t operate like this, so I’m forced to bite the bullet and become one of those psychos desperately looking for an Xmas gift at the last minute. I hate it! Every gift I get feels so forced. Like “I bought this yesterday” is clearly written all over this one. And people notice too! You know when their reaction is completely inauthentic.

And you know what’s annoying? When you get older, your family expands to include people’s significant others and you have to start getting them gifts too. Luckily for me, I’m obsessed with my brother’s girlfriend and it gives me an excuse to shop for girls things, so I can’t complain, but it’s the principle of the matter. Why should I be penalized financially if a family member falls in love?!! And can I get two extra gifts because I don’t have a significant other? Single people are always getting screwed. I have so many weddings and baby showers ahead of me, all of which will cost me so much money. And what do single people get? Can I make you buy me gifts for my dog? Can I have a dog shower? It’s all so backwards! Single people deserve the most gifts. Helllooo! A SINGLE PERSON SHOWER. I’ll be registered at MY DRUG DEALER.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Christmas gifts. Yeah, it’s weird. And I spent so much money yesterday buying everyone amazing candles, chic clothes on the sales rack, and Jo Malone body lotion for my grandma. My family is so lucky to be related to a gay person with good taste. Seriously. I got their wish lists this year and had to make some homosexual edits to all of them. In the end, I may not have gotten them the things they asked for. But I did get them things they didn’t know they needed until now. Merry Christmas!

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image – shimelle