The Root Of How Others Perceive Us Is How We See Ourselves
As a child, I believed I had the power to make myself invisible when I was afraid to go to sleep. The lights went out and the covers were tightly pulled over my head based upon the premise: if you can’t see me, then I can’t see you. It was fear of the unknown. Seeing spirits or specifically E.T. the most frightening extra terrestrial, which to this day makes me want to hide or carefully open the closet to avoid finding him dressed in my clothes. Then again, I don’t blame him and his beloved playmates for wanting to create his invisibility in fear that he would be harmed if discovered.
Ask yourself, how many times have you physically or metaphorically wanted to hide under the covers or perhaps in the closet so you could be left alone from the harm you feel others cause you? Or perhaps the harm you cause yourself?
In adulthood, we have our own subtle tricks of disappearing…
- Blaming our lack of cell service or shutting off our phones to simulate a dead battery.
- Claiming to be too busy to respond to calls, emails, texts, and invitations because there is a major project deadline yet all weekend long you stayed at home wearing pajamas.
- De-activating Facebook or any other social media to promote concentration and eliminate distractions.
- Wearing sunglasses to give an extra layer of protection to avoid eye contact.
- Keeping a hard face in the presence of others so they won’t approach you or playing with your phone so you appear to be engaged.
- Creating layers upon layers of emotional walls, so that not even ourselves could penetrate the fortress that we keep under 24/7 surveillance lock but with no key.
Take a moment to think about it. How many of the above acts have you actually done within in this past month, week, or perhaps day?
Now ask yourself:
- Why do you want to make yourself invisible to others?
- What if you had the chance to make yourself visible on your terms coming from a place of wholeness rather than lack?
We can’t expect others to see us clearly when we are not able to see ourselves clearly. Many times we fight, bargain, beg, and hope that others will see us for who and what we’re worth, but the feeling of aloneness and invisibility still resides at our core. Frustration grows and we take everything too personally and look to blame others without taking responsibility for our shortcomings. If we keep our focus on all of the outside sources that have done us wrong, make us feel unhappy, or cause us pain and suffering, the walls and exhaustion continue to grow. We further remove ourselves from our center of being and our light is dim… sometimes to the point of being nearly snuffed out.
There is perfectly good reason and value for creating time for one’s self as a mode of decompression, engaging in a hobby/interest, and giving yourself the gift of presence. Carving out quiet time to sort things out and learning to become your own best friend. But the difference is feeling good about you, adding more radiance and glow to your inner light—that when blissfully happy or relaxed in the mind and body, it’s reflected outwardly.
Once we embrace our perfect imperfections and make peace with the fact that we are given certain gifts, talents, intelligences, and modes of experiencing the world, the lack disappears and we become filled with wholeness. Each void and wound becomes healed, but only if we’re willing to make the investment. This becomes our life’s true work—that counts the most and let’s us become rich and successful in spirit.
If you answered yes to #6, then it’s a matter of rediscovering or perhaps creating a new key in which you can open the lock. Once the lock is turned, the 24/7 “guard” is relieved of his/her service. Brick by brick, the lifetime of walls start to gently diminish in thickness and depth. Before you know it, you are the source of light that others will see and your openness will attract, intrigue, and be appreciated. But the degree in which others see you won’t have much impact because now it’s authentically more important how you see yourself. What doesn’t happen in (insert your age here, ex: 31) years could happen in a day, a week, a month, a year. The timing of it doesn’t exist—what exists is how you make yourself feel and that you’re better off for it.
I am perfectly imperfect and I’m at the sea. Where would you like to be visible and perfectly imperfect?