The Six Couples You Meet On Social Media


Because, do we really need to put it ALL out there?

[Disclaimer: I definitely fit into at least one category…]

1. The Subtweeters: Perhaps my favorite couple on twitter, the sub-tweeters are the one couple you can count on for entertainment in your timeline. Maybe one of them is out, and not answering their phone, or perhaps, one of them is at work. The other half sits there, brewing in their emotions, just waiting for the other to contact them. Suddenly, they’ve had enough and they need to take it out on twitter; therein, the subtweet. Usually it’s a passive aggressive message like “thanks for texting me back”, or a quote about how “love isn’t about saying you’re sorry”- whatever it is, it’s entirely humorous.

2. The “Joint Account Couple”: Is there anything more nauseating than a Facebook account that is for two people? Usually, it’s both their names, or their last name, and they just post EVERYTHING together. “Happy Birthday! Love, Jack and Jill”. Like, what happened to your individual identity? Or, do you just not trust the other enough to have their own account?

3. The “Yo-Yo” Couple: Separate from “The Subtweeters,” the “Yo-Yo” Couple puts it all out there. It’s not passive; it’s straight out, ninja kick to the jugular posts, and holy shit, is it entertaining. Blog posts, direct tweets, long, elaborate facebook statuses about one another, and sometimes, the quintessential Instagram Post with a quote or a picture of the couple with the caption “happier days”. And, then suddenly, maybe an hour later, they’re back to tweeting each other how much they love each other. And, their facebook mood becomes “Happily In Love”. This couple fluctuates more than Oprahs waistline.

4. The Social Foreplayers: A relatively harmless couple, this is the couple that constantly posts pictures together; they “check in” at the movies and tag the other one with them. They tweet each other cute things, or tweet about how the other did something really sweet for the other. They’re cute, a tad nauseating, and clearly, still madly in love with one another.

5. The Compensators: Smoke and mirrors can only mask the true status of a relationship for so long, and the compensator couple is holding on to that hope. They differ from the social foreplayers because they take it one step further- long, exaggerated statuses about what they did together, but their body language in pictures is always a clear indication that something is awry.

6. The Happy Couple: Yes, there is such a thing as normal, happy, in love, couples on Twitter and Facebook, and they’re SO refreshing. They post cute pictures together, maybe write a status or two about each other, show appreciation for each other in little ways. Now, since I’m at that age, many of them are posting engagement and wedding images, and they’re so gorgeous. These are the couples you admire; because, they restore hope that true love does exist, all you have to do is look at them.