The Style Trend You Should Be Obsessing Over: Feigning Wet

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Ever been summoned to a snowball fight and thought to yourself, “I’m good”?

Just yesterday, on my way home from an abbreviated work day, I found myself walking in tandem with a group of overzealous elementary school students. It brought back warm, happy memories…of sledding in Central Park, of confusing urine-soaked snow with a lemon snow cone and not giving a hoot about it, of school cut short, and–ow? Did someone jus–yes, it appears, these kids are trying to challenge me to a snowball fight. Which reminds me — “Abandoned ice cream truck!!” I screamed, diverting their attention as I stealthily galloped on home. No, I mean — I’m cool. I’m chill. I’m—OK, fine; I’m neither of those things. You say snowball fight, in all your sprightly, prepubescent vigor, and I hear a one-way ticket to sniffles-ville. You go throw your snowballs; I’ll watch from my dry, cozy bedroom window. Deal?

“And kids: you’d do well to learn from me too!” I then screamed from my bedroom window. “Is she speaking to us?” one of the kids asked the others, with furrowed brows, as I continued to gesticulate down to them from my airtight-sealed bedroom window. “Because children,” I continued, unconcerned, “as much as we love wet clothes, wet-looking clothes is, far and away, a much more appealing option.”

Not that this should really come as a surprise; aside for its previously-mentioned transformative powers to have you appear like a chill, snowball-wielding babysitter in front of the closest pack of elementary school kids, it’s also been incorporated into collections from seasons past. The most memorable, in my opinion, being Simone Rocha’s Spring 2014 collection. “Last summer we went on holiday to Connemara, and it was amazing,” she told the Gentlewoman, “just swimming in the freezing cold sea. It made me feel wet and live, and that made it into the spring collection as wet-look lace.”

So, too, have you heard me tout the benefits of a wet hair look – natural and post-coital, in all the right ways. (Plus, no one has to know it’s actually sweat, which means no one has to know about your abnormal perspiration.) Even the benefits of wet skin haven’t gone unnoticed (and will surely see their own write-up here on style catalog, don’t you worry).

Looking at it is almost like gazing upon a body of water; it has a soothing, calming effect, like Richard Wilson’s oil pool at London’s Saatchi gallery.

And if ever there were any doubts surrounding the merits of this drenched look, those were quickly put to rest with Raf Simons’ most recent contribution to the legion of wet-looking clothes. It’s like submerging oneself, fully clothed, into water, without having to first check the care label. Like getting wet without the repercussions; getting fashion wet. So if you’re feeling a tad bland – matte, as some might call it – don’t you fret. Just heed Anna Dello Russo’s advice and take a nice, long, good fashion shower.

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