The Thanksgiving Dinner Drinking Game
By Shawn Binder
Love it or loathe it, the holiday season is upon us. There is no denying that the Christmas decorations and phrases like “Turkey Day!” will seep into our everyday lives along with chillier temperatures. This means it is time once again to torture ourselves with massive quantities of mashed potatoes and quality time with our extended families. Although some family gatherings are great…most of the people I’ve spoken to would describe them as #dark. I got a bottle of wine out and created this drinking game to help you get through Thanksgiving with your overly protective parents and grandmothers who insist on setting you up with “a really nice girl”.
Take A Sip
- Every time a family member comments on your body or appearance “You look like you’ve gotten skinnier/ bigger/ more haggard/ more sexually repressed.” Wash that critique down with some Merlot, because no.
- Before every time you have to answer the question, “so, how is school going?” (take three if they ask and you’ve already graduated).
- Every time you’re compared to your super successful model cousins who are off getting their PhD’s at Columbia and you’re still trying to figure out how to properly feed yourself three balanced meals a day.
- Every time your drunk uncles (drunkles?) get into a fight about sports/politics/religion.
- Every time your grandpa comments that your outfit looks like it belongs on a girl.
- Any time a relative mentions getting up at 3 AM to go Black Friday shopping.
- When your relatives get drunk and start bringing up embarrassing stories from your childhood.
- Take another if they pull out old baby photos.
- Every time someone makes a speech about all the things they’re “thankful for.”
- Someone cries or shit-talks another member of the family who is not present.
Finish Your Drink
- If your grandma asks you if you’ve found a nice boy/girl yet and when you’re going to settle down.
- Every time your over protective parents subtly slip into conversation that they think you have a drinking problem.
- You’re made to sit at the adult table because you know the kid’s table is the shit with the crayons and lack of societal expectations.
- Every time you remember that you’ll be doing this again in a month for Christmas.
- Right before Pie. Just for, you know, doing life.
*Any player who says no to second helpings of everything because they’re “on a diet” must immediately do three shots, promptly go sit in a fucking corner, and contemplate their life choices. It’s Thanksgiving; the meal shouldn’t be over when you’re full. It should be over when you hate yourself.