The Truth About The Friend Zone


I’ve been seeing a lot of the “friend zone” memes lately. You know the ones, the couple kissing on the beach with the caption “This could be you and me, but I’m the guy in blue.” They seem to all hint at the outlandish idea that the good guy serially finishes last while the hot girl runs off into the sunset with the asshole that’s broken her heart too many times to recollect. Unfortunately, I have also seen this exact thing happen firsthand to a couple of my close friends, which, devastatingly makes the theory seem much less outlandish to me.

Based on a recent encounter with one of those friends, I began mulling over why this is so. Why are girls/women these days more interested in the boy that’s going to hold her heart on a thin thread that can be cut off at any time he pleases instead of going for the man that will hold her heart as close to his as humanly possible? Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not generalizing every woman in the world. I know there are girls and women out there that hold themselves to a much higher standard than the majority and will not stand for anything less than absolute adoration and respect from their significant other. I got ridiculously lucky, myself, and met a man that does all the things you dream of as a little girl, my own real-life Prince Charming, but it took me plowing through multiple mistakes in my early years of dating before I made a change in my own mindset and finally stumbled upon one of the good ones.

This article is not to be mistaken as a stab at “assholes” or guys that are unaware of how to treat women, but instead, a stab at my own gender for genuinely thinking that the state that they are currently in with the man in their life is as good as it gets. I promise you ladies, it’s not. Now, I don’t believe the male gender is brought into this world with the mentality that all women are less than they are and deserve to be treated as so. I am a firm believer in the fact that you are who raised you. It’s not always the case, but just as a person isn’t born with racism in their hearts, neither is an infant given the ability to deem one gender as the lesser.

Unfortunately, instead, I have come to the conclusion that those “type” of men (again, no generalizations are being made) are the way that they are because we, as women, have convinced them that’s how we like to be treated. I know it sounds very backwards, but with the degree of elevated cynicism about love in today’s society and the growing insecurities in women due to what the mainstream media deems as beautiful has, in my opinion, allowed women over time to truly believe that they are not worthy of the unconditional, all-encompassing love that fairytales are made of.

I know you’re in love with him. I know there is so much history in this relationship that you really don’t know what life is going to be like without it. I know when you first met him he was a charming, chivalrous man that made you feel like you were the only girl in the world. I also know that what you’re currently experiencing is not considered love, but instead, a sort of confidence in yourself that you can change the person you’re with, which contrary to popular belief, you cannot. I also know that your life after him will be so much more enriching, even though it might take some serious heartache and retrospect on your time together before it becomes so. I also know that you have not felt like the only girl in the world to him in a very long time and you’re starting to wonder if you ever will again. If you can give me one decent reason why I should believe that the “love of your life” is someone who degrades you, looks lustfully at other women, makes you cry instead of laugh and has over time convinced you that you do not deserve what you know you do, then I will absolutely kick my argument to the curb in a flash. However, I would like to believe this is not an easy task for you.

I do believe in second chances and I do believe that if someone is remorseful enough, they are eligible for one. I do not, however, believe in 5th, 6th, 7th, etc. chances. If your significant other has done something that disrespected you in any way that you felt was not up to par with what your desired standards are for the relationship, they apologize, win you back, but continue to do that certain thing, you giving them chance after chance is only hurting yourself. You may see the next apology as a genuine, sincere attempt at trying to fix you two, hell, there might even be tears coming out of the boys eyes, but just keep in mind, he’s done it before and he’s more than capable of doing it again. But, the only way that he’ll have the opportunity to do it again is if you let him.

Self-image in women is at an all-time low because of unattainable standards that were created through photo shop. Instead of convincing yourself that you deserve the treatment you are receiving or that you are not good enough to even request anything more from someone, take a second and realize your worth. Write down all of the pros and cons of your current situation and also write down a list of kick-ass qualities about yourself, then, leave the dead beat in the dust and go out and find someone who will not only treasure those kick-ass qualities, but will love your entire being unconditionally.

I know you’re worried about the pain you might experience without him in your life and I’m not here to tell you it’s not going to be there, it very much so will. I’m also not here to tell you that it’s going to go away anytime soon. There’s no time stamp on how long it’s going to take, but the pain will absolutely cease to exist in due time. I personally spent weeks and weeks crying myself to sleep over a guy that never truly saw my worth in its entirety and it was the most tumultuous months of my life, but I got over it, learned from it, and you will too.

If the girls and women of the world would just stand up for themselves and have a list of demands that they refuse to stray from, there will be no more “friend zoning,” because there will, instead, be beautiful, powerful, captivating women who are interested in men who are going to enrich their lives and cling tight to their promises, instead of settling for their current state. This cannot and will not happen until each and every one of us make a personal change in our own lives and refuse to stand for anything less than precisely what we deserve. The right man, or woman, is out there and they will constantly do things that make you feel such veneration, you just have to allow yourself to believe something like this is attainable for you and that it’s exactly what you deserve in this life. Life’s far too short to have any other mindset. The choice is yours.