The Universe Left Me No Choice, I Had To Say Goodbye


I had no choice. The universe had bigger plans for you.

I never wanted to have to miss you.

On mornings when the sun slowly seeps through my shutters and crawls warmly over the blankets that envelop me, the gentle summer breeze holds the sorrow at bay. A small smile spreads across my face at the thought of you deeply inhaling the bold scent of your morning coffee, staring at the roses you have pruned to perfection. I can feel a breath of your touch extending down my arms.

All I want is for the winds to keep me safe, to keep me numb from the pain that wracks my body from the realization that we’ve lost you in this lifetime.

I never wanted to have to need you.

On afternoons when the flowers open themselves to the skies and the neighborhood children mill around, the birds’ joyful songs flow to my ears and drown out the moans of grief that threaten to spill from my throat. A chuckle rises instead, flashing back to the life lessons you exaggeratedly extended to your grandchildren. I can see a glint of pride in your eyes and a shadow of a smirk on your cheek. You already knew that we were all in good hands. You just had to be sure.

I never wanted to have to live without you.

On nights when the clouds scatter and the constellations burst through the darkened horizon, the hopefulness and perseverance behind a lonely cricket’s chirp chisels away at the guilt that weighs on my chest, like a focused sculptor. Tears stream steadily over the curves of my lips, drifting along and collecting the rubble, grain by grain. I can hear a whisper of your voice in the unforgiving silence with the breath of a forehead’s goodnight kiss. All I can do is whisper Sweet Dreams into the void.

I had no choice. The universe had bigger plans for you.