The Various Ways Girls Deal With Heartbreak


So you’ve just been dumped. Whatever reason your significant other gives you, whether it be the cliché, “It’s not you; it’s me,” or the more forward approach, “Never talk to me again,” girls usually have a routine break up remedy to mend their broken hearts, or at least temporarily patch them up.


This is usually the first phase of healing a broken heart. Most girls have two boys they usually rebound with after a break up, Ben and Jerry. Nothing dries up those tears better than a good pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. If it’s not Ben and Jerry’s it’s whatever food comforts us the most. When there is a bed empty of a companion there is always a pantry (or freezer) full of food. We will sit in front of our T.V. and binge watch either trashy reality housewives argue over whose husband wants to sleep with who, or break out our old DVD collections full of 90’s romantic comedies. While each scene continues to make our love lives feel more and more hopeless we will reach our spoon further and further into that pint of ice cream, and have absolutely no shame while it happens…until the next morning when we feel it on our hips and thighs.


Once we have binged on Ben and Jerry’s and 90’s rom coms, it is time for a break up playlist. Just like food, the music phase of post heartbreak can vary from girl to girl. Whether it’s Taylor Swift’s spiteful “Never Getting Back Together,” (like ever) or a more sophisticated song like Adele’s “Someone Like You,” girls love to drown their sorrows and rock out with playlists that match their mood and apply to their romanceless situations. It makes us feel less alone. If Taylor Swift can “Shake it Off,” so can we, and if not we can side with Justin Timberlake and cry him a river. Either way, music allows us to vent in a subtle way. The singers do the venting for us, and we just listen and nod along.

Promiscuous Girl

This phase is always trouble. After a break up, once you’ve binged on food and depressing music of course, sometimes girls will feel they need to get back in the game. We will put on our sexiest outfit, or even worse will go to the mall looking for the sexiest outfit. Once we find it we will wear it to a bar or party where we are sure everyone will see it, especially our ex. And if our ex won’t be there to see it we will be sure to post plenty of pictures on social media to make sure that he does. The sexy outfit and done-up hair/makeup doesn’t necessarily mean we are looking to hook up with any guy that crosses our path, but it makes our aching heart begin to feel a little better when we realize we still got it, and better yet when he realizes he was stupid for ever letting it go.


You think this phase would come before our promiscuous, scantily dressed phase, but the gym is quite a commitment, and when you’ve just ended one commitment in your life (your relationship) it takes a little while until you can begin another. The last thing a girl wants to do directly after a break up is hit the gym. When you’re feeling down, it’s tough to get that heart rate up. Once we have reached the phase where we know we have the energy to go out again and actually have a good time, then we know we also have the energy to hit the elliptical. There is only so much amount of time we can devote to feeling sorry for ourselves, and once that time has run out we want to start devoting time to things that are good for us. Physical activity to get those endorphins running and that blood flowing is a good starting point.