The Woman I Used To Know

Are you there?
I hear my own voice whisper in my head.

I see the 5’7 woman standing in front of me, but her eyes I don’t recognize. I recall the shape of her lips and her prominent nose, but I cannot find the girl I used to know. She feels so close and I can feel her pull, almost as if there’s only a dense fog between her and I, and if I really tried I could reach out and grasp her arm to pull her back in.

The old saying that “people never change” has always perplexed me. In my few years of young adulthood, I cannot begin to count the number of ways I know I’ve changed. Or in what capacity, for that matter. Change is something I tend to accept with open arms and an open mind. Being naturally curious about every piece of information in the world will do that to you.

But change has also left me so far from the person that I used to know. I traveled too far off in the distance that when I look around I can’t seem to make up from down.

The woman I used to know was young and strong. She was wholesome and sweet around everyone. She was docile, and calm. She was soft and pretty. She always knew how to please everyone, and could give a serene comfort to those around her.

She was so innocent.

I wouldn’t use one of those words to describe the woman I see staring back at me now. There have been too many roads traveled, too many disappointments, too much heartbreak, so many people lost.

What I see is someone different. Someone changed.

I see a woman still strong….but confident. She has grown into someone I could have never imagined. Someone outspoken and courageous. Someone curious and brave. She has endured roads traveled, disappointments, heartbreak, and people lost. And through these milestones, she has grown to be someone I admire. Someone I truly love.

I wouldn’t trade one experience; they all have made me who I am today. The young girl inside me may have changed, but all the wonderful things about her have lingered inside, and the woman I have grown to be…well, she’s still changing.