There Is No Escaping Drunk Texts

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By all means we can try to apologize, deny, and revert attention elsewhere following a drunken text convo but once the send button is hit once (or 10-15 times depending on the night) the damage is done. You can try these tactics to deal with the morning after text of shame but chances are you will still need to ice down your pride while nursing your hangover.

What you say: “Sorry for last night I was really drunk and had no idea what I was saying.” Translation: I know exactly what I was at least trying to say, definitely meant it, and there’s a 97% chance it will happen again.
 
What you say: “Whoops I think I text everyone in my phone last night.” Translation: I text all the guys I’ve hooked up with just out of sheer curiosity who would text back at 4am.. you were one of them.
 
What you say: “I really didn’t mean to say those things, I would never say them if I wasn’t drinking, you know that.” Translation: We both know I probably would.
 
What you say: “Look sorry for what I said last night, I don’t really feel that way about you, I’m actually over it, and doing fine.” Translation:  I’ve been waiting for a good weak drunk moment to spill my heart to you so I could regret it and knowingly feel worse after.
 
What you say: “Sorry for being a bitch last night.. You’re not really an asshole.”   Translation: you are an asshole and I wasn’t actually drinking just felt compelled to let you know.

I know it is becoming a bit cliche BUT I’m a firm believer that the drunk mind speaks a sober heart. Sometimes you just can’t help it. Sometimes you just have to Tequila away your feelings, pick up the phone, and say some cryptic things to people you probably shouldn’t. It happens to the best of us. (Or if you’re me it happens sober and you spend the majority of your time saying things like “Sorry I tend to just say whatever I’m thinking” which isn’t always recommended.)

I feel as though, if you have something of actual merit to say (not just “heyyy…whatre you doinnn comeover”)  just say it or you will spend both your drunken and sober time wondering about the “what ifs” which is the deadliest game of them all. However, if you know even while drunk you are going to need to apologize in the morning- never a good choice, sober you will thank you later for calming your texting-trigger-happy hands.