Things Women Who Have Been In Abusive Relationships Want You To Know

He isn’t always bad.

We see what no one else does. We hold on to that day he brought us flowers, the sweet good morning text messages, and the dinner he made on our anniversary. We hold on to these memories and remember them every time we think of leaving.

We believe we can change him.

We tend to be very caring, nurturing women. We want to help and change the bad parts, and we believe we are the only ones who can. If he can’t listen to me, he won’t listen to anyone else. I am his only hope.

We blame ourselves when things don’t get better.

If we can’t resolve the disagreements, stop him from calling us names, or tearing apart the house, then we are just as much to blame as he is. We’re in this relationship together; no one said this was going to be easy. This is part of being in love.

We believe what he says.

This is the person we care about most, and therefore trust. This is the person that knows us the better than anyone else. Fat, ugly, slutty, stupid…How could he be wrong? We may not believe what he says the first time, but after a few rounds, we invest ourselves into his words.

The love we feel is paramount.

In the end, love is what makes us stay. The love we feel is as strong as any other emotion we experience: the frustration, the sadness, and the pain. If the love we feel weren’t so powerful, there would be no way to justify the pain we endure in its stead.

We’ve come to believe that some (if not all) of his behaviors are normal.

Everyone gets jealous from time to time, some say it’s even a sign of true love. All couples fight, right? Sometimes difficult for us to see the difference in what might be considered “normal” and what isn’t.

It’s easier to stay.

Because we live together. Because I’m afraid of what he might say about me. Because I’ve been with him for so long. Because we have a child. Because we’re married. Because I’m scared. Because he hurt me before and he might do it again. And, most importantly, because I love him.