Things You Can Do On 4/20 That Don’t Involve Getting Stoned


1. Buy all of the snack foods at your neighborhood bodega

Want to mess with stoners on 4/20? Go to every bodega and buy all the munchies you can find so that there’ll be none left for the high people! Then hide in an aisle and watch their crestfallen faces when they discover that all of their favorite stoner food is sold out! “So you’re telling me you’re all out of Cool Ranch Doritos? Like there’s none at all? Oh my god….” If you want to be extra evil, you can attach some of the sold out items to a string and watch the stoners go insane trying to grab it.

2. Take an Adderall and clean your room

Nothing says “Screw you, 4/20!” like taking prescription speed and getting stuff done! This works especially well if you have a stoner roommate because you can basically scare the crap out of them with your manic energy. Stand in front of the TV and bombard with them questions as they sit in a catatonic state on the couch. “Oh my god, hey roomie! What are you doing today? It’s such a beautiful day out! BRIGHT, SUNSHINEY DAY! I could really go for some jazzercise right now. Do you want to join me? Wait, how about we clean the bathroom together?! Can you say “roommate bonding activity?” LOL, no but I’m serious. I miss you. Let’s hang out!” Your roommate will be so freaked out that they’ll start to slowly walk away from you and lock themselves in their bedroom for the rest of the day.

3. Blast rave music and piss off all your high neighbors

You’ll probably be hearing a lot of Manu Chao and Pink Floyd in your apartment building today which can get real annoying real fast. To create your own special anti-4/20 vibe, I suggest blasting Tiesto or any other raver music you have in your iTunes leftover from your ecstasy days and having your very own loud dance party. Your high neighbors will hear it through the walls and start F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G out. “Why would someone do this to us?! Why would someone harsh our mellow on our one special day?” Ugh, I hate when stoners treat 4/20 like it’s the Second Coming. Chances are if you’re taking this “holiday” seriously, you’re probably getting stoned out of your mind every day anyway, so what’s so different about today? You don’t need an excuse to get even more high.

4. Bake regular brownies and tell everyone there’s weed in them

It’s super annoying when people pretend to be more high than they actually are, especially if the person in question is over the age of 18. To demonstrate how full of crap people are, you should bake brownies and give them to your stoner friends, telling them that there’s weed in it. Then sit back and grab the popcorn while you watch completely sober people pretend to be high out of their minds. Don’t tell them the truth until the next day when they begin to show remorse over how stoned they acted the night before. Then you can be like, “Oh, so when you were telling me that my hair felt like magical stingrays last night, you actually were stone cold sober so… bye.”

5. Eat a lot of food

Everyone will be eating a lot of yummy/ disgusting food today, so why don’t you just follow suit? You don’t have to be stoned to eat four Dorito tacos. If anyone shames you, just be like “What? It’s 4/20. Get off me.”


image – Bob Doran